What do you do if some idiot throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure

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why was the white girl not wanting to have a baby with her boyfriend he was black

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A blonde a brunette and a ginger jump off a cliff they die upon impact and their families mourn for years to come.

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Poker face

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Your mommas so stupid she put a quarter into a parking meter and waited for a gumball to drop out.

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What did the old man say? Im old

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You sick fiend

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why did the chicken cross the road? to touch the goats beard

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What do you call the offspring of a gerbil and a hamster? Whatever you want.

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If a tree falls on a woman, and no one is around to hear it, what is a tree doing in the kitchen?

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What do you call a plane in shining armor? A knight flight.

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Why was the 2-year-old girl found dead in the swamp? Her mom was Casey Anthony.

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A squirrel asks an apple where is the nearest gas station. The apple doesn't reply.

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Your mom is so old that her organs are starting to slowly fail and she must be put on life support or she'll die.

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Why did the boy fall off the zipline? He had no arms.

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Why didn't the lolipop taste like anything to the boy beacuse he was aborted

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Knock Knock ... Knock Knock The man proceeds to leave.

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Why did Sally drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sally

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How many pastry chefs does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. It's a fairly simple job.

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Little Timmy walks up to the teacher during class and asks "Can i use the restroom?" The teacher says "I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy says "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all stuck on a desert island together. They eventually succumb to dehydration and heat exhaustion. They lasted five days.

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“Ok, time for bed” … is what I said to the empty living-room. It was getting late, and the internet no longer amused me. I picked up my cell phone, rooted through the couch cushions until I located the remote, and turned off the television that had been nothing but background noise for the last few hours. I made sure the front and back doors were securely locked, walked around the back of the couch, and turned off the only light. A tap on the screen of my phone created just enough light to keep from busting a toe on an errant table leg. Because my cats have an evil tendency to lie in the middle of the hallway, I aimed the small amount of light from my phone directly in front of my tired and shuffling feet. I’d only covered a small distance before I knew, from many nights of this same regimen, that I was getting close to the bedroom door. At this point my arm started the slow upward arc that would eventually illuminate the now pitch-black opening to the comfort of my room. The light emanating from my cell was quite dim, and this action had become quite rote, so my arc was about waist level before I noticed a slight variation of the familiar black of the open doorway. At that point, and in a disturbingly short amount of time, five things happened nearly simultaneously: My arm, the arm carrying the phone, continued to rise in its predetermined arc, having been an object in motion which would stay in motion. I released a small gasp and exclaimed to my husband that his sudden appearance in the dark had startled the breath from me. I remembered that my husband was at work. The light arc reached its apex on a face of protruding nail-like teeth. A face suspiciously bereft of eyes, with a gaping, oozing, bloody pit where a nose should have been. The light went out.

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Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. He calls the right number.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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