Roses are red, Violets are blue, Does this smell like chloroform to you?

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A man crashed his boat and is lost in the ocean. He comes across a cruise ship, and they ask if he wants help. The man says, "No. God will save me, but thanks anyway." Later on that night, he is eaten by a shark.

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whats funnier than a joke? A: a funnier joke

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SUCK MY NUTS

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A chinese man walks into a kitten store. He is a nice man in search of a companion.

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How long does it take for a dead baby to explode in the microwave? I don't know; I was too busy masturbating.

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What do you get when you cross a parrot and a beach ball? A beach ball with a parrot design on it.

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What's blue and can't read? The Pacific Ocean

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Why did Mary fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock? Who's there? Not Mary.

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why was justin sad? his family was murdered

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Why was the little boy late for school? Because he was hit by a truck.

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TWO ROADS DIVERGED IN A WOOD

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What did the shark say to the beached whale? Nothing.

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What happend when they were 3 guys in the air? They were skydiving

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Why are the Jamaicans in the kitchen? because they are bad men

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I'm wet Ew you perv.. Stop thinking like that ! I just took a shower.

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What do you call Morgan Freeman at a family reunion? Morgan Freeman.

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What came in like a wrecking ball? A wrecking ball.

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what did the anorexic girl eat today? nothing..

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Why did I lose a card game to a cat? Cause he was a cheetah!

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knock knock whos there boo boo who? stop crying its only me! its not you, my mom has cancer, my dad was killed in a car accident, my pregnant wife has been murdered, and my uncle touches me.

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A guy is at a party and he's really thirsty, so he goes to get a drink. He goes to get some soda, but the line is too long. He goes to get some water, but the line is also too long. He goes to get some punch, and it turns out there's no punch line.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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