Why the guy without two hands at the beach was so excited? Because he couldn't scratch his asshole.

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After pursuing a speeding vehicle for 10km at speeds ranging from 120 - 160km/h, the police officer managed to stop the driver. The driver of the vehicle rolled down the window and asked, "What seems to be the problem officer?" to which the police officer replied, "It sounds like one of your cylinders is firing incorrectly, you have a fairly large amount of carbon build-up on and around your exhaust pipe."

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Is this the krusty Crab? No you idiot this is a phone!!!!!

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What's worse than tornadoes in the USA? Earthquakes in Japan.

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A mountain goat walks into a bar, the bar mans asks ''so, what will it be?''. The other customers question the mental integrity of the bar man, as goats cannot talk.

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Why did Bob fall over? He was impaled by a narwhal. -BG

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I like touching my boobs

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What do you call a black man in space An astronaut

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What's wheels and has green? Lied, I grassed about the wheels.

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I mustache you a question. But I'll shave it for later.

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If David has 40 chocolate bars and eats 35 what does David have now? Diabetes, David has diabetes.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the gay's house. Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sally

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: He was wandering because he was lost and got hit by a car in the process.

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So a horse walks into a bar. The rancher immediately contacted medical help, and with a little teamwork, the horse was treated and revived.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get surgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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Q. What's short and black A. A little black kid

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Q: What's more silly than the idea of a wealthy, successful black man? A: A Clown

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Q) What is the difference between an elephant and a toaster? A) Do you seriously not know the difference between an elephant... and a toaster?

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The game.

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You know what's addicting? Heroine.

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What did muscleman say to his dad? You know who else is my dad? MY MOM!

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The Oakland Raiders

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Why did the dog stop barking. It was given a good reason to.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops