Last night, I went fishing, caught a fish, brought it home, grilled it, ate it, and went to bed.

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People with cancer.

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Women drivers...

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What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders

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Limerick There once was a man from mass whos balls were made out of brass he clank them together to make stormy weather and lightning came out of his ass

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Where is the center of the universe? There is no center of the universe! According to the standard theories of cosmology, the universe started with a "Big Bang" about 14 thousand million years ago and has been expanding ever since. Yet there is no center to the expansion; it is the same everywhere. The Big Bang should not be visualised as an ordinary explosion. The universe is not expanding out from a center into space; rather, the whole universe is expanding and it is doing so equally at all places, as far as we can tell. In 1929 Edwin Hubble announced that he had measured the speed of galaxies at different distances from us, and had discovered that the farther they were, the faster they were receding. This might suggest that we are at the center of the expanding universe, but in fact if the universe is expanding uniformly according to Hubble's law, then it will appear to do so from any vantage point. If we see a galaxy B receding from us at 10,000 km/s, an alien in galaxy B will see our galaxy A receding from it at 10,000 km/s in the opposite direction. Another galaxy C twice as far away in the same direction as B will be seen by us as receding at 20,000 km/s. The alien will see it receding at 10,000 km/s:

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Boston was having so much fun everyone was running and screaming

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What do you call a black man in a Police car? A Police Officer

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Whats the difference between Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga? one of them is a women the other one is not.

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knock knock a man walks into a bar what do you call a horse with no legs dave who?

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An Arab walks into a bar. He doesn't explode, and has a fun time with his friends.

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How is a raven like a writing desk? It isn't.

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Whats worse than getting punched in the balls? Getting punched in the balls twice.

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why was the woman out of the kitchen, because she had to have sex with her husband in a bed

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People say the sky's the limit................................ but there's footprints on the moon.

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Hey I just met you And this is crazy But I didn't use protection So here's your baby

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whats the difference between my mom and your mom nothing they are both sluts

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Why are pigs smelly ? Because a cucumber can't walk.

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Why did the man reach for his gun? Because he wanted to kill someone.

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Knock Knock. -Who's there ? It's me. -Come in.

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What do you call most people over 50 who aren't married. Divorced

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why did the mexican cross the road? to get to the lawn mowing shop becuase his wife has breast cancer, and he cant pay the bills sitting on his butt and getting a check from the government every month

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Wendy went for a walk every day in the forest. Why not today? She was shot yesterday

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How many Manatees does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, assuming Manatees have hands.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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