What does Kim Kardashian and a Navy Vessel have in common? They are both full of seamen!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why didn't the chef serve the black guy his food? Because he wasn't a waitor.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

why navy seals ? they shot osoma bin laden in the face...... multiple times

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A man walks into a bar He is STD positive.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What starts with P and ends with ORN? POPCORN

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you know there's an elephant in your refrigerator? Look at your refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A Priest and a young child walk into a dark alley.... It leads to a church and he talks to the young boy about God

thumb_up thumb_down +8

who wants to hear a joke about the broken pencil? to late, its sharpened

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why are pineapples yellow? 82, piano, bomb, lamp!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

man 1 walks by man 2 man 1 says hey buddy whats up man 2 responds do i know you man 1 says no but i saw you seeing a movie on friday man 2 says oh cool but wasn't that movie great man 1 responds ya and man 1 and man 2 become best friends plus man 1 only liked man 2 because he was rich!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Obama

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Two nineteenth century men walk into a bar. Their wives didn't complain, because if they did they'd get hit. hard.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

An African-American man calls KFC. An employee answers. "Thank you for calling KFC." The man replies, "I'm sorry, I must have dialed the wrong number."

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Last night I had a Chinese By that I mean I abducted some Chinese people and ate them

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got ran over by a car

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: whats a bunny's favorite music genre A: smooth jazz

thumb_up thumb_down +6

One day an Indian boy asked his father why they have such long names? The dad answered him in a such a simple and concise way, that the little boy understood.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

josh roberts got the d in geog

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why is 6 afraid of 7? 7 was having illicit sexual relationships with 9, of which 6 knew about, but was afraid to inform his wife, 8, who 7 stepped over to get to 9.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

what is green, blue with spots all over? A frog with chicken pox

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the heart attack victim say? Call 911, I'm having chest pains. yeah, your anti-jokes are this funny....

thumb_up thumb_down +6

what's funnier than a pile of dead babies? pretty much everything because dead babies aren't a laughing matter

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops