There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day"

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Whats black white and red all over? A decapitated panda.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What do you get when two chickens cross a road? -Salmonella stricken hobos

thumb_up thumb_down -27

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What was the baker a coward? He didn't have the "Bunz" to prove it!

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Q. What do you call a Widow's Husband? A. Dead...

thumb_up thumb_down -27

I'm not racist. Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why was the boy at the funeral? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

what did the little boy say when the teacher asked what he wanted to be when he grew up? Adolf Hitler

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why was the boy sad? He had a frog stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

A man walks into a bar. On the way home, he is driving, careers off the road and crashes. Lesson here. Don't walk into poles

thumb_up thumb_down -27

boy and girl are flipping a coin, coin lands on heads, boy: get down bitch

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What's most weird about necrophilia? They copulate with dead bodies.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What did the little boy do when he got his test grade? Cried, it was 0

thumb_up thumb_down -27

what did the penguin say to the dodo bird. nothing because dodo birds have bin extinct for thousands of years and it is highly unlikely for a dodo bird to be saying anything to a penguin do to the fact they wouldn't be anywhere near each other and neither species can speak.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why did the man Jump of a bridge? Because he got sick of his life and he wanted to die.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

A white man walks into a bar. He orders an alcoholic beverage, and thinks to himself, " that made me feel a lot better. He drives home in his Cadillac and takes a nice sleep until 7am, when he is supposed to work. He is an architect.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What happened to the chicken that crossed the road? It got ran over by a car!

thumb_up thumb_down -29

someone has been eating my cornflakes,oh well cheerios instead.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What's the difference between meat and fish? You can't beat your fish.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Osama bin Laden walks into a bar. Just joking, he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

The movie starts off with Tom Cruz jumping out of a plane. He hits the ground and dies, end of movie. - Cole G.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

I drink poodle juice for breakfast lunch and dinner I was then turned into a tree

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops