- Anti Joke

A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f* are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

What's black and hangs from a tree? A bat.

Why did the police officer arrest the baseball player? He raped and murdered a thirteen year old girl.

Why was Sally lying on the ground? Cause she was dead

Beans, beans the magical fruit. The more you eat, the more likely you are to realize that beans aren't actually fruit. They're legumes.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Well babies don't have the strength or coordination to hold a paint brush, so you may need to call some painters.

knock knock , who there ray, ray who , ray winstone , I am your daddy you'll get your perks.

What did the homeless children get for christmas? Hypothermia

Why do black guys have white palms? Because that area of the human hand contains no melanocytes, the cells that allow pigment to form.

What do you call a larger individual having intense sex with a smaller individual? Rape.

Why did the man steal the little girl? He didn't. She was his daughter and they were driving home after picking up the groceries.

Your dad is so gay, he lovingly marries another man and selflessly adopts you.

A dyslexic paraplegic walks into a bra

Q:Baby, baby, baby, oooh A:Thats what she said.

What's brown and sticky? 'Brown' is a colour, and 'sticky' is a consistency. Please try and use correct grammar.

A scotsmen, an Irishman and an Englishman all walk into a bar. The publican had accidentally left the door unlocked and the bar was in fact closed. So they left.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops

what's worse than getting raped the guy who raped you has aids

Roses are black, violets are black. I'm blind.

Who did the Vampire bite? No one because vampires aren't real.

what do the Holocaust and Jeff Dunham have in common? they're both hilarious

Oh you expected a funny joke? Oh well

women rights