What do you call a tree with all of it's branches down? A tree with all of it's branches down.

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Whats the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick into someones ass

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why did Louisa go black and never go back? She got hit by a truck

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Romney 2012

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm.

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What has four legs, its yellow with black spots, and can run as fast as a Cheetah? Another Cheetah

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Roses are red violets are red, the grass is red Holy crap! My yard is on fire!

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minorities

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What do you call a mexican without a lawn mower? .....unemployed

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abcdHIV this disease is killing me

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whats the best way to burn calories? Set a fat kid on fire.

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A man walks into a bar. End of story.

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Why was the little boy sad? Because he had a fox stapled to his face.

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i want to eat a horse out jaffa cake

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Why did a monkey fall out of a tree? He was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of a tree? Gravity. Why did the third monkey fall out of a tree? He was stapled to the second monkey.

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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Little Timmy walked up to the teacher and asked her "Can i go to the restroom?" The teacher said " I don't know, CAN you ?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

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What would you do if you're eyes just suddently exploded? You would never see again.

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and and no legs in front of a door? A: A quadruple amputee.

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Last week, I saw a film. As I recall it was a horror film.

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What do you call an insect that has 8 legs? A spider.

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I walked down the street. I picked up a quarter. It was shiny. Then I walked to school. I finished school, so I walked home, did my homework, and went to bed. Lesson learned: quadratic formula

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roses are red, violets are not, this poem makes no sense. Bananas

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Someone once told me a joke. It was funny.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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