Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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"bus driver pressed the horn at my mum and she stuck a finger up at him " Not the first time she's got the horn and shoved a finger up

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Whats black and flys out of a car? Pupies stuffed in a bag.

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Why did the pelican cross the road? The man did not reply because his mother recently died in a car accident while crossing the road. She also loved pelicans.

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Roses are red Violets are purple. I just realized that nothing rhymes with "Purple".

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What did the cricket say to the fox? Cricket.

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Want to hear a dirty joke? A pig fell in the mud…

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Three drunk llamas wearing sombreros are walking down the street. They walk in silence, lost in their own thoughts.

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What's the difference between a cow and some dirt? They're the same except for almost everything

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A man asks his wife to make him a sandwich, she proceeds to make a sandwich using rye bread, lettuce, two slices of tomatoes, a variety condiments, mustard and several slices of American cheese. The man eats the sandwich at a parade with his wife celebrating Woman's Rights.

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Why did the chicken get hit by a bus? He tried to cross the road.

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Why didn't Joey play with the other kids on the playground? Answer: He was dead

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Knock Knock Who's there? Its the pizza man. Get your yellow no good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead. 1,2...10

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Sometimes Jamie wishes he could be a different person. He wishes he didnt have to eat dick everynight but it was all to late. He had to take it down the throat but he enjoyed the tickle it gave him

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A blonde, a brunnette, and a red head all jump from the top of a building. They all land at the same time because of Newton's 3rd Law

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To buy more crystal meth to fuel his addiction while his wife and children starved in the public houses.

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What do you call it when an old person cuts off their fingers? Dementia

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What did the alcoholic tell his son? Don't do meth.

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Why did Lucy have blond hair? Answer: Because both her parents had recessive hair traits.

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So a man walks into a bar with a monkey. I forgot the rest of this joke, but your mom is a whore.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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roses are red voliets are blue u actule thought i would cry over you!

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whats the difference between a can and a fish?they can both swim. exept for the can.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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