How do you keep someone in suspense? Refuse to let them view the resolultion of a gripping film.

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Why can't basketball players play hockey? Because hockey and basketball season occur at the same time.

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Guy 1: "hey look that homeless guy is riding a bike!" Guy 2 " Ya i know and look, there's a dead pro biker other there"

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What is black and white and red all over? I don't know. I was hoping you did.

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A bar walks into a man and the man walks into a watermelon then the watermelon walks into a black guy then the black guy walks into a piece of fried chicken then the piece of fried chicken walks into a hotdog then the hotdog walks into a wall then the wall walks into a horse then the horse walks into a jar of mayonaise then the jar of mayonaise walks into a can then the can walks into the bar

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Q: Why God never got a PhD? A: 1. He had only one major publication. 2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English. 3. It has no references. 4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal. 5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself. 6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then? 7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited. 8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. 9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing. 10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects. 11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample. 12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book. 13. Some say he had his son to teach the class. 14. He expelled his first two students for learning. 15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests. 16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

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Why did the chicken cross the road??? Suicide.

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What were the murderer's last words before he was put to death by electric chair? "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NNNNNFHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.................................................................................................................." He then defecated in his pants.

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Grace Ackerson

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What did the psychiatrist say to the man wearing nothing but Saran Wrap? - "That's for food. You should wear clothes instead."

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Roses are flowers.

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A black man accidentally walks into a white man. They apologize to each other and carry on with the rest of their day.

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Yo Momma is SO FAT, THAT she has an increased risk of cardiac arrest due to her blood pressure.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a giant scorpion

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A blonde takes a math test it says find x? She circles x and puts there it is!

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Whats worst than being raped by a black guy? Being raped by two black guys? You racist i'm calling the police.

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Joey and Jack walked into a bar, and their friend Satan asked if they heard about Jesus, and they said No.

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haiku for you ladies and gents My mother once said, "Slow and steady wins the race" She died in a fire.

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Why were 50 police officers in the supermarket? A tsunami had struck and they were cleaning out hundreds of bodies

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What did the cannibal eat for Christmas. Your Mom!

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A man walks into a bar. He drinks then comes home to his whole family murderd and mutilated

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Where did little Timmy go when the bomb dropped? Everywhere.

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When my brother was hanging at YOUR cross, he asked "daddy" "Oh father why!" Then lightning struck and the weather went to fuck. Moral: WHAT KIND OF RESPONSE IS THAT YOU PIECE OF SHIT!?

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What do you call the man with no arms or legs, swimming in the bay? Bob.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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