How do you piss off a lion? You repeatedly poke it with a stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

why does the octopus have no friends? because they're anti social by nature

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Two muffins are in an oven. They turn out delicious.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because not only was she deaf and dumb, but she was also blind and it's not possible to drive if you are blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

does your face hurt? yeah, neither does mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call a black man with a gun? A police officer.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the pirate say to the donkey? Rrrrrrrrrrr you a donkey?

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Today, I had intercourse with a teddy bear

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Hey, you have small hands.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's the difference between a Porche and a Pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porche in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why couldn't the kid go into the pirate movie? Because it was rated PG-13 and he was only 11!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

I used to work at a lightbulb factory... I made the filaments

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Yo mama's so fat, she possesses a Body Mass Index that is above the recommended value for healthy individuals and thus will have a greater risk for heart disease and other related health problems.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than being a Jew in 2010? Being a Jew in 1942.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

how do you get a cow in the fridge? Open the fridge, and insert. How do you get a kangaroo in the fridge? Take the cow out and insert What animal is not in the lion king? kangaroo --WHY hes still in the fridge

thumb_up thumb_down -1

So there were two palm trees on an island. The first palm tree says to the second, "Hey! What's up?" The second one replies, "Nothing much, just chilling." Except they were actually ice cubes.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

shook hands with Marty ,talked about politics, then walked away.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

why did the mexican cross the road to get to the other country

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Hey I just met you I'm on bathsalts your face looks tasty

thumb_up thumb_down -7

I was walking down the street one day when suddenly, a chicken crossed the road. Apparently it wanted to cross to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

So a baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the city on the other side. He hoped he could find work in one of the city's cheap factories. He needed money for his family: he could not bear to see them slowly starve for any longer. If he could get a lowly-paid job he may be able to just sustain them. But he knew it could not last for long. He would probably die on the streets or in the slums, cold, lonely and starving. But it was a risk worth taking - he could not see his own family waste slowly away like so many of his friends had.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Q. Wherefore art thou Romeo? A. Global Warming. ,.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How do you make a salesperson cry? Shoot him in the face and throw him off a cliff

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops