What do Whitney Houston and MTV have in common? They both REALLY died in the 90's.

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Two pretzels were walking down an alley way, one was assaulted. In a instinctive move, the other quickly ran away and alerted the authorities. The assaulted pretzel was severely injured but slowly recovered covered from physical trauma and has now sought professional help to deal with it's great deal of post traumatic stress.

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A man walks into a bar and see's a 12 inch pianoist. He walks to the bar tendar and asks "Where'd you get it" The bar tendar says we have a genie in the back. So the man walks back the and wishes for 12 million BUCKS , The genie gives him 12 million DUCKS, The man walks back out and said " I asked for 12 million BUCKS not 12 million DUCKS and the bar tendar says do you really think i asked for a 12 inch pianoist?

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What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate? Extract of foxglove is a very effective blocker of the parasympathetic nervous system, and since the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for slowing the heart, this would lead to an increase in heart rate. However, it is very dangerous to use such chemicals without advice, and therefore it is better to seek an examination and, if necessary, a prescription from a qualified GP.

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what did one sandwich say to another sandwich? nothing, sandwiches cant talk

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Whats worse than finding a maggot in your apple? Getting Raped

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Why is adam jackson so black when his parents are white? their was alot of black dick up their during the pregnency. (once you go black, you NEVER go back!)

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Why did the blonde lose her job as a teacher? Because she was in a sudden and violent car crash in which she died a slow agonizing death.

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What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, you ***ing racist.

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Why is it irrelevant whether someone is a twat or not? Love your neighbour.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Oh, they were just nailing a notice of foreclosure to the door.

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What do call a man with no arms or no legs that sits on the couch? Grandpa after his amputations.

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Q: What did the ant say to the bush? A: Ernest Borgnine

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Why did the TV not turn off? You need to use a remote.

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Women's rights

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Hey dude ask me if im a tree!? Are you a tree? No?

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what is funnier than one dead baby in a dumpster? There is nothing funny about the homicide of a minor, and the murder should be immediately investigated.

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Your momma has such a bad pancreas that it releases insulin into her bloodstream all the time. NOT just in response to glucose.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Stop asking stupid questions.....

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Q: Why did you get raped last week? A: Because at night you touch yourself to pictures of rapists.

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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb? NONE A YO F******G BUSINESS!!!

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A black man walks into a store with a ski mask on... what does he do?? he buys skiis.

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Why did the skeleton not get invited to the party? Because he was a heroin addict

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What's long, hard and full of semen? A penis

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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