A man walked into a bar. He was meeting his friends but was 30 minutes early so he went down the road to buy some food. He had recently began dieting after watching a series of lifestyle programs which informed him of the potential risks involved with high cholesterol and blood pressure levels. He purchased a garden salad and a freshly squeezed orange juice, and made it back to the bar in time to meet his friends.

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a man walked in to a bar and said 'outch'

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whats the difference between a black guy and and an asian person... who cares kill them both

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What did the sad orphan with liver cancer get for Christmas? Pictures of dead babies to put things in perspective.

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What starts with P and ends with "oop" POOP

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So, two people park their car and walk into a bar. Wait, no. They were walking into a grocery store and they were riding skateboards, not a car. Then, the kid walks in after them. Oh, did I forget to mention they had children? And also, they're married. So anyway, they walk into this grocery store, and meet a barkeep. Wait no that's ridiculous why would a barkeep be in a grocery store. Let me start over. Bah.. never mind. I forgot what happened next, but it was REALLY FUNNY!

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How do you find out the population of Mexico? The census.

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I'm a poet and I didn't even realize I was one

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69 is a number not a sex poshion

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How do you wake a clown up? By pouring vinegar in his eyes.

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What did the cookie monster eat? Food

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You wanna hear a joke? Me too

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We start counting at 1, therefore 0 is countless. I've slept with countless women.

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A terminte walks into a pub and ask is the bar tender here?

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How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at its face!

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why couldn't the boy use the computer He could i meant could

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What do you call a spaceman on Mars? Confused, because with the current technology it is impossible to send a human into space and onto Mars.

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Q: How many jews can you fit in a car A: 2 in the front. 3 in the back and as many as you want in the ash tray.

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Why didn't the ghost go to the dance? He didn't exist.

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Q: What did the blind boy get for his birthday? A: He doesn't know

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What do you call a skeleton in a closet? The hide-and-seek champion.

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"Sticks and stones" the man said and shat on three different complex turtles

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What's black, white and red all over? Half a penguin.

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Knock knock. Who's there? No one, because your house burned down.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops