How do you make time fly? You can't, time is the duration of events and therefore cannot "fly".

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What do you call a man bathing with a toaster Electrocuted

thumb_up thumb_down -14

what happens when you piss on a dead monkey nothing you just lose the urge to pee O.o

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How do you get Suzy to get off the swing? Ask her to move.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

whats fat and ugly ? aidan slattery

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How do you wake up Lady GaGa? Poke her Face.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Q: Why was the boy so sad? A: His parents were just killed in a car wreck, therefore orphaning him and his five brothers and sisters and leaving them with no money, food, or shelter due to lack of steady income and the fact that their house had been foreclosed on.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

- Do you want to hear a joke? - No. - Ok.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the jewish boy get for Christmas? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is both deaf and blind. Driving would be an extremely hazardous action for herself and other nearby drivers.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken never made it across the road because it was hit by a car with a driver who is obsessed with abusing animals.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Too bad, because UNTIL YOUR FUCKING "POWER OF HUMAN KIND" CAN SUMMON UP A FUCKING EYEBALL! NOTHING WILL MAKE UP FOR THIS SHIT! "Oh, my the good old phonebook, I will... Now... try... to... seduce... you... with... my... "goodness" As far as "oh I know where you live", well nobody here is hiding fagface! So you come out of your "darkness or shadows or whatever" and let me stab out both your fucking eyes! And we are STILL NOT GOOD! And yeah, have your faggots stop calling themselves Nero.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: He was being taken to the slaughter house

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What is a Mexicans favorite sport? Tennis.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Q: How do you call a group of animals? A: Llama.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How do you know if your friend is dead? You shoot him in the face!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How do you define an unsatisfactory kitchen? It won't have a woman chained to the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you call this? A sentence in English.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How do you give an 80 year old man a heart attack? Hold a gun to his head

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did death say to life? Go die

thumb_up thumb_down -16

why did the monkey buy a shoe? to put em on!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's worse than losing a contact Having a bloody stool

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops