Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's alright now.

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Why do jews have long noses? Because they received the genetic alleles from their parents that cause the nose to grow longer.

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a fish swimming in the water swims

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says why the long face. The horse, unable to understand English shits on the floor and leaves

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How do you make a blond shut up? Staple her tongue to the roof of her mouth and super-glue her lips together.

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Why are you angry dude? I can't see my forehead

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What's neon green and has 69 legs? Nothing that I know of, but it would be an interesting creature

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yolo mother f-uckaaaa

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Whats worse than getting stabbed in nuts? A retarded baby that survived the abortion

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The king asked the jester why was he not telling jokes. He wasn't because he's a jester and therefore is obligated to be funny.

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Roses are red, bikers are blur.....I love you ( drunk texting )

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wuts the diference between a black guy and arab? black guy kills whitye guy arab lijkes black guy (no jews or **** thou)

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What's black and looks like Burnt Popcorn? A black man

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What did the catholic priest say to the naked boy where are your clothes?

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

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What do you call a black man in an envelope? A tiny black man

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Three Jews walk into a bar. One says something to the other two, but it was in Yiddish, and I don't speak that, so I don't know what he said, but all of them laughed really hard, so it must have been funny.

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How do you keep a puppy warm? You throw it in the fire...

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Knock Knock, Who's there? Shmellmype. Shmellmype who? HAHAHAHAHA (read out loud)

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What do you get when Chuck Norris meets Chuck Norris? A bad joke.

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What did my wife say when I asked her to pick up some milk on her way home from work? OK

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25

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A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother than explains to the daughter the logistics of sex. The daughter seems to comprehend and walk away leaving the mother to cook.

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There is a young boy called Clive, and his dad asks him what he wants for his birthday: "I would like one yellow golf ball please dad" he said. Of course, his father was quite surprised by his son's request, but nevertheless, he got him a yellow golf ball for his birthday. A few years later, clive does amazingly well at school and gets all As in his final exams. Filled with pride and love for his son, his father says to him: "I can't begin to tell you how proud i am of you, Clive. In fact, you can have a preasant! What do you want?" Clive thinks for a moment. "i would like one hundred yellow golf balls please!" His father was a bit annoyed at his strange request, but neverrtheless, gave Clive his yellow golf balls. A few years later, Clive wins the gold medal at the olymics for the 100m sprint. His father is very proud: "Son, i am so happy about the way you've turned out. You make me so proud. Is there anything you want me to do for you?" "can i have 1000 yellow golf balls please" Now his father got annoyed, he thought Clive was taking the piss. Eventually though, he calmed down and got clove the golf balls. Unfortunatley, Clive gets diagnosed with a deadly disease. His father is heartbroken. And as clive is lying on the hospital bed, his father moves close and speaks to him. "Son" he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "I just want to ask you one thing." "Ok," Clive said, as he too started to get emotional. "Why on earth did you want all those golf balls?" Clive looked deep into his father's eyes, as he took his last breath said: "I wanted them because- ack -splutter- ack" And he died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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