How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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Do you want to French kiss? What are you, racist

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Mary had a little lamb... that's what she gets for having intercourse with the farm animals.

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Three blondes walk into a bar. They have an intellectual conversation over some drinks.

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What do you call a bear eating another bear? A cannibal.

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Why do white people go to black people's yard sales? Because they know they sale good quality stuff -Travis

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Chuck Norris doesn't answer the phone - he doesn't have one at the moment

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What did the doctor say to the female car crash victim? Nothing she was dead when he walked in the room.

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Two aspies don't walk into a bar.

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Guy 1: why are you such a douche? Guy 2: cause douches get the most p***y

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Why was the little boy afraid of Mr.Clean? Because he reminded him of his father who was an alcoholic and used to beat him savagely.

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SCP-009-J is missing. Where has it gone? Is it under the table? Was it sat upon? Is it there on the ceiling? Is it under the rug? Was it gobbled right up by a quantum pillbug? Did it run through the tunnel? Did it fall down the stair? Was it sent back in time to a carnival fair? Did it get on a train to a far-away place? Is it locked in a falsified beacon from space? Did it fall in the oobleck and [DATA EXPUNGED]? If it clogged up the sink, will it have to be plunged? Just where has SCP-009-J gotten to? Oh wait, that's right! SCP-009-J is you!

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Yo mama's so fat. PERIOD.

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Salad. It's green and so is The Hulk.

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Q: What is that white stuff in chicken shit? A: Thats chicken shit too

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have narcolepsy.

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Why couldn't the blonde read the road map? Because she was blindfolded and tied up in the trunk.

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Well educated black man.

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25

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Q. What do you tell a women with two black eyes? A. Stop pissing him off!

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What did suzie do when she dropped her cookie? She died because it was secretly a bomb

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Why is evan a lil poop? cause he pooped my poop all the pooping ;)

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Who keeps knocking on the wall? My neighbors have sex a lot.

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Whats the difference between a cat and a dog? Nothing a cat and a dog is an extremely different species.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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