How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Say, "Wake up!"

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There are stars in the sky when it's dark. You may have noticed I used a contraction in the previous sentence.

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"Up to 50% off."

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Jared Gough is a slut

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A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

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anne hatthaway

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Enchilada

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Take my wife- to the store.

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There are 4 people in a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes. But, the teenage girl says she is depressed and cannot go on. The older woman breaks down into tears because she is reminded of her rough child hood. The two 21 year old twins start crying, too, because they were corrupted by their alcoholic father who would come home and abuse their family. As they were all crying, the two pilots and the flight attendant took the parachutes and jumped. The older woman realized she went to flight school when she was young so she took control. They were are happy and drank a little bit too much alcohol and got drunk. The pilot also drunk and crashed into a huge skyscraper. This catastrophe was later named 9/11.

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There is a knock on the door. Little Jimmy comes dowstairs opens the door and standing in the door way is the axe wielding manic fromTexas Chainsaw.

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Why did Mary fall of the tire swing? Because she's a dumbass

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Knock Knock Who's there? Kconk Kconk who? Kconk Ohw Oh yeah, sorry mate, didn't recognise your voice! Come on up, I've got some lagers in the fridge.

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Why do showers in Germany have 11 holes? Because a regular human on has 10 fingers.

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what do gay people eat?? food

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A blonde walks into a library. She is a commerce major.

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What does Free Candy and a Free game online have in common? They both have viruses

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Why do matt Daly jokes suck? Because he has Downs.

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I had a "What would jesus do bracelet" and some kid kicked me in the shin... As i was contemplating on what to do to him, i looked at the bracelet and remembered.... SO I SET HIM ON FIRE AND SENT HIM TO HELL!!!

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why wouldn't the boy shake his teachers hand? his abusive father cut it off with an axe when he was a child

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CHIIIICKKIIIIIIIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What did Helen Keller say to the priest? Nothing, she didn't know he was there.

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Why did the man get hit by a van? He was blind, and his guide dog was an idiot.

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What did the 3 bears say when they saw goldielocks sleeping in their bed? Nothing. Bears can't talk so they ate her.

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Steven Yuhasz is so homosexual, he has sexual intercourse with other men and enjoys it. <33

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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