If I have 10 apples and you have 45 oranges how many plates can we fit on the roof? Purple because monkeys don’t fly

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Roses are red, Violet are blue, SURPRISE!!! Im about to rape you.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why was the man running from the cops? His car broke down.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why is it nice to wear jeans? So people don't see your undies.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

When I'm through with you... They will never find your body... And even if they did... All they find would be teeth!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

WHY DID THE KID RID HIS BRICK HE WAS BLIND

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What is 6 plus 9? 15

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why does this dog have herpes? Global Warming.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a school bus full of white kids? A school bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, Cheese on toast.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Brittney Spears

thumb_up thumb_down +6

roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, which is a serious mental disorder in which I have difficulty properly experiencing reality. It should not be confused with multiple personality disorder, which is a completely different disease with different symptoms.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

how do you call a boomerang that does not come back? - a stick

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the young woman have a sore vagina? Because she just experienced intercourse for the first time and her partner was not as gentle as he should've been, given the situation.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How Do You Get Your Mom To Shut up? You Kill Her.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Four Chavs drove of a cliff today, why was a i sad? It was my car :C

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do Laura Bush and 9/11 have in common? George Bush did them.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did johnny fall down? He got hit in the head with a brick

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what do a snake and a bird have in common? they can both fly! except for the snake.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness. Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the lemming jump off a cliff? Because he was suicidal.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Knock knock. Who's there? The police. We have reason to believe you are hiding large amounts of narcotics in your residence and have obtained a search warrant for the premises. Open the door or we will be required to use forceful means of entry.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Penis

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops