how did the woman get her baby to stop crying? she hit him with a axe

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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The way I see it, you are pretty lucky I am a tough guy, the kind you like. Anyway you where really wondering if I ever refer myself as a boy? Sigh, I mean I AM A BOY! WHAT? WHAT? Savage jokes? What jokes?

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Your dad is so hairy, that he shaves to look more cleanly.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. That's what she said

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How do you kill a blonde woman? Shoot her in the head

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A black man and a white man were on an island. They lived in England.

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why did sally fall off the swing cause she had no arms knock knock who's there? not sally

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What happens when you cross a Labrador and a Poodle. A species of dog that has been cross bred.

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What's Red and bad for your teeth? A Brick

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Stevan Hawkings walked into a bar. Ohh shit :/

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What did the black kid get for Christmas? An X-box, a sweater and some socks.

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A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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What time is it? If I hadn't poked your eyes out, you might know.

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What do you call someone without legs or arms laying at your front door? Steve

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What's 1+5 2+4 3+3 4+2 5+1 Whats 6+1 If you said 6 you're stupid.

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Q: Why did the grandma forget to take her pills? A: She died in a tornado

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Why do black people have nightmares? Because we killed the only one with a dream.

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When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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watch a i d s left

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What's sad about Justin bieber getting thrown off of a cliff Nothing

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why are black people so good at basketball? Because they practice

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put my cøck in your mouth. Submitted by Arsha K.

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Yo mama is so ugly that she won an award for that

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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