I got 99 problems and they're all related to long history of drug abuse

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The past, the present and the future walk into a bar. It was tense.

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A man walks into a bar. He is now passed out on the ground. (TD)

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Why couldn't the little boy tie his shoes? He had no arms

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How does a dyslexic person read the word 'schitzophrenia'? Schitzophrenia. I leid abuot teh dyslxeia.

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A man walks into a bar. Something funny happens.

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Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't going to come.

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What's worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? The extinction of the human species.

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Hi my name is Bob and I have Alzheimer's. Hi my name is Bob and I have Alzheimer's.

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That akward moment when you tell a person you like them and they don't respond.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a shot. The bartender asks to see his I.D. The man explains that he had lost his I.D. earlier in the day. The bartender then asked the man to leave, so he left.

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I have a horse.

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Why was the protester on the floor? Because the protest had become a riot, and police brutality is a serious issue.

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What do you call somebody with no arms or legs and they are stranded in the middle of the ocean? Answer: screwed

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What's similar between a black man and jelly babies? Nothing

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Why was the black kid in the AP Calculus classroom? Because he was a very driven student, who studied hard so that he could attend a good University and build a good life for himself and his family.

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Whats better than throwing a baby off a building? Catching it with a pitchfork.

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Two hunters are out in the woods, one of them collapses on the ground and his eyes roll back in his head. His friend whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps,"I think my friend is dead, what do i do?" The operator says,"calm down lets first make sure he's dead." There's a silence, then a shot. Sadly the man was not dead but extremely tired and could not carry on without rest.

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Whats green? Mountain Dew.

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What did the old Hispanic man say to the young black woman in the Laundromat? I don't know cause I goofed in school and didn't pay attention in spanish class.

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roses are red violets are blue, were stuck to gather like superglue in tell you get the flu, then I'm not touching you :)

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Why didn't the kid eat lunch at school? He wasn't hungry.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Robin, get in the Batmobile.

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Person 1: I'm really sleepy. Person 2: Then go to sleep.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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