Three midgets walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer, the second one orders whiskey, and the third one ordered water because all three of them had agreed that he would be the designated driver that night.

what did the cat say to the potato? meow

What did John say to Paul before they entered the car? "Paul, get in the car."

What does an Asian person with 3 eyes have? A birth defect.

If a tree falls on a deaf person, does anyone care?

why did so many people die in the typhoon in the Philippines because they had to finish there math homework

Why are the deserts so dry? Obama

Roses are red. Waffles are blue. Blue Waffle.

Whats the difference between the Taliban and a Football Team? I'm not on the football team.

A man walks into a bar. Something funny happens.

What kind of mother doesn't do laundry? A dead one.

What do you call a man with only one eye? Half blind.

Kanye West walks into a bar. As he is a very popular celebrity, he is recognized instantly. The patrons mob him, asking for pictures and autographs. He is in a pleasant humour that evening, so he indulges them. Some laughs are had, he buys lots of drinks, and takes home two beautiful women. Such is the life of a celebrity. ...but that still doesn't make him happy.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, This one doesn't.

How did the chewy cross the road ? it was stuck to the chickens foot.

What do you call a dolphin mixed with a cheetah? I have no idea I was hoping you knew.

A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks, "Why the long face?" The horse, being a horse and thus unable to speak or comprehend the complexities of conversation, does not reply and shits on the floor.

What is pink and fuzzy? Pink fuzz

What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A pogo stick. Just kidding. Cancer.

"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Ben." Ben who?" "Ben Dover!" "Ben,it's been 7 years. I already moved on and have a new husband and family. Stop coming here or I'm calling the police."

Ernie: "Hey Jim, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?" Jim then breaks down and cries deeply at Ernie's question as the fact that he was born without a tongue continues to slowly tear him apart.

Omar the Magnificent is performing a huge magic show at a theater in New York City. His final trick will be to have his assistant saw him in half in front of the sold out crowd. Omar never knew how other magicians perform the trick. The crowd of hundreds watches Omar's assistant brutally murder him onstage and many require mental therapy for years to come.

An Jewish man worked at a bank, and ate chicken noodles for lunch and then stabbed and man playing the saxophone.

What's white and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A refrigerator.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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