What happens to a blonde girl who is buying drugs off of a drug dealer? Nothing, she was an undercover police officer trying to arrest said drug dealers on the street.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

It was okay, then Alice my friend and a nurse insisted (she can be a total bitch) I take a painkiller, of course that messed up my focus completely and threw off my hypnotic suggestion which I use to shut down the pain receptors. Ironically I cannot seem to shut off my allergy to dust. Oh, yeah it was the standard bullshit Mensa test, ten patterns or something, oh and while I am terrible at trivia, I am actually much smarter than a fifth grader, I mean one kid told me he was smarter because he could do math better than me and he could, so I choked the little bitch to death, who is the smartest one now?

thumb_up thumb_down +1

salad days!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

You are a special guy, and I mean that in a really sweet way, but a retard no. Synapses, tell me more please.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A lost young boy walks into a bar to ask for a map. The Bartender takes him into a room and rapes him.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Your momma's so stupid she stuck a power cable up her ass. Shortly after she died

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What Did The Farmer Say When He Lost His Tractor.... "Wheres My Tractor"

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Stolen.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What is the Hardest part of helping a grandma who has having trouble crossing the road? Picking the gravel out of the wrinkles in her knees.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's worse than finding gum on your shoe? Being molested by a sea urchin.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: What did the guy say to the apple? A: suck me off

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the chicken cr-VAGINA!!!!!!!!!!! sorry, tourettes.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I'm not saying your mom's ugly, but I like pancakes.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Me: How can you tell if somebody's a Nazi? Friend: How? Me: Their killing people in a ghetto. Friend: My friend was shot in a ghetto. Me: So, does that make him a Jew? Friend: No, he was just killed in a big ass oven.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Lol, okay you have made Nero of the clan of the Moralians the mighty laugh and go aww... Seriously, first of all, WHAT THE FUCK IS NAUSEUS? Secondly, okay its Ridge Racer, close enough, aww, seriously that sounds like the cutest thing, I mean did you bleed? DID YOU HARM YOURSELF! DELIGHTFUL... Moral: Seriously though, seeing you tilt over while playing a racing game, kinda cute, just put a pillow there next time you know just saying, because I play videogames, I cant go sexytime for hours without pumping some ADRENALINE INTO MY MIGHTY ROD OF STONEFLESH!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A Black man walks into the Dentist's office, because he cares about his hygiene.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why is red? He was just murmured by a phycopath.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Roses are red Violets are blue Daises are white And Pansies hold hands and skip

thumb_up thumb_down +1

The indistinguishable bug corrupts a bond arrow.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why didn't the cab driver pick up the black man? Because the cab driver already had a passenger and it would be unprofessional to pick up another person.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why is the light always red? Because the city has been in an economic depression and does not have the money to fix the traffic light's.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

daughter: Mum why do I have a brother mum: He not your real brother dont worry your adopted :) daughter: :'(

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Knock Know Who's there? Not your dog, he just got run over.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Dear Reader I am writing to express my complete and utter disdain toward the subject of your face. Rarely have I to witness such a repugnant sight. I would like to inform you that, upon most regrettably witnessing your face, my delicate stomach muscles gave way, and my morning meal, of lightly buttered Kipper and freshly squeezed orange juice most unfortunately ended up in one of the seventeen human waste disposal outlets to adorn my manor house. I struggle to comprehend how you, being such a selfish sadist, are able to live with yourself, knowing how much dismay you have caused me. Might I suggest that you pay a visit to a prosthetic plastic surgeon, in order to prevent other innocent's to suffer as did I. I request politely, but please be firmly assured in the knowledge that I will complain to the magnificent force of the police should you not comply with my reasonable request. Your face simply can not be allowed to exist in it's current form. I would go so far to say that it may be a danger to the elder's of our society, with their regrettably weak hearts.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops