How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but he may forget to finish the task due to his Alzheimer's.

One man asked another man what his favorite sport was. The man replied: " My favorite sport is golf." "Golf requires no physical strength, therefore I do not count it as a sport." Said the man who asked the question.

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. But everything turned out alright, as the fly was dissolved by stomach acid.

What do you call a blonde driving the wrong way down the freeway? Well that depends on what her parents named her, or whether she happens to have a nickname of sorts.

An Jewish man worked at a bank, and ate chicken noodles for lunch and then stabbed and man playing the saxophone.

Why shouldn't you try to pick up a live scorpion with your teeth? Because it could easily sting your face, or mouth.

What is the difference between a peasant and a pheasant? One's a bird.

Mike: Hey Dave knock knock Dave: Come in!

Why is it so hard to find slim fitting clothes in America? Because not many clothing stores carry them.

So a blonde a, a red head, and a brunette crash land on an island, they all died within a week...

Windows are likes prostitutes. You can have two in the front and two in the back!

A black guy, a white guy, and a Canadian walk into a bar what do they all have in common. They are all involved in my Joke.

Little boy: Daddy, daddy, I know what i want for Christmas! Dad: Oh really? and whats that? Little boy: I want a bicycle! Dad: Why my son? You are already on a wheelchair...

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the dead one.

If little jimmy has five candy bars and he eats three, what does little jimmy have? Diabetes

Q:Whats yellow and white and sits at the bottom of a pool? A: A baby with slashed floaties Q:Whats red and gory and sits at the top of a pool? A: Floaties with a slahed baby

what did the red towel and the blue towel say? Nothing because towels are inanimate objects and therefore can't talk.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, when the bass droped, my balls did too.

What's the difference between a black person and a park bench? Benches are inanimate objects while people are indeed carbon-based life forms.

What do Mike Tyson's handwriting, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and your Grandma's apple pie have in common? Nothing.

the awkward moment when you have a boner on your boner

theres a taco and a blonde...who eats who? the blonde eats the taco.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Gestapo.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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