A priest and a small child enter a bar. The bartender takes his son back from the priest, paying him $30 for his exemplary babysitting services.

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A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but it nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.

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Yo mama's so fat, that when she jumped, gravity pushed her back to the floor!

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A man questions wether a cat will always land on it's feet. He takes a cat from a pet store and tosses it into the air. The cat lands on it's feet. Startled, the cat runs into the street and gets hit by a car. The man goes to prison for theft and animal abuse.

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Hey, you why you say poo poo nae nae watch me whip, and do the dougie, and then happy halloween? Potato Salad

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Why did the black man commit suicide? Because he was killed by a white cop.

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Why is my phone bill so low this month? Because you have no friends.

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Why did the Wife cheat on her Husband? Because she was a f***ing BITCH.

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I like my coffee like I like my slaves... Free

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Studies prove that bald people have no hair?.

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What do you get when you cross Bambi and a ghost? Bamboo

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What did one planet say to the other? Nothing. Space is a vacuum in which sound cannot propagate due to the absence of a matter or particle medium.

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Why are humans and squirrels the same? They both live in trees except for the human

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Q: What do you call a drunk man driving a Corvette with no arms, no legs and a missing eye? A: A severely impaired driver

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Did you see Helen Keller's doll house? No... Well it's really nice!

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Every time a bell rings an angel gets it's wings. What they don't tell you is every time a mouse trap snaps an angel gets set on fire.

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What's worse then running out of toilet paper? Getting shot

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Why do all black people have AIDS? Because they deserve it.

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A seal walks into a club. The poacher continues to beat the seal to death.

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What is long hard and woody? A tree.

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Q: Why is it funny to laugh at gay men? A: They like men.

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roses are blue viloets are red this poem doesnt make sense microwave

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Why do dinosaurs have no friends? Because they are dead

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Q: How do you know if you have had too much to drink? A: When you find a bloody hole where your kidney is.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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