Q: Why did the man have sex with Amanda Seyfried? A: Are you kidding me?

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Q: How do you make a fireman cry?? A: Drown his wife

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What did one muffin say to the other muffin Holy shit a talking muffin

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How do you scare off a ghost? Tell him your ready for a commitment.

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The government

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A brown park bench was bought. After multiple years the color had faded, and the bench was no longer the same shade of brown.

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his kids.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says, "why the long face" and the horse says "my wife just died of skin cancer."

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What did the priest say to the young boy? Hi.

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What's red and smells like green paint? Red Paint

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What's sad about four children going over a cliff in a car ? Four children just went over a cliff in a car.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you touch yourself at night.

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Why did Bob wear a jumper and trousers even though it was a very hot day? Because he is an idiot.

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what do u get when two cars collide... a bunch of mexican

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Why did the little girl walk into the wall? Because she was blind.

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In soviet russia, child molests you! Unfortunately true

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-The proceeding statement is true. -The preceeding statement is false.

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Sir, your wife is dead

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What is colored and looks good hanging from trees? Oranges. Get your mind out of the gutter!

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What did Helen Keller get for Christmas? A read along book

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Your momma is soooo poor... I don't know how she is so fat

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Mac, or Big Jim, as his friends call him, follows the same routine that he has every day for the last several years. His days are always typical and very rarely differ or have any excitement thrown in the mix. It usually starts off by him waking up next to his wife, whom was always giving off a potent and delightful smell. This happens because she has a certain shampoo that makes her much more pleasant-smelling than the normal person, especially as she sleeps. So Big Jim then takes his pillow and throws it at her head. She usually wakes up thinking that he is trying to be a nuisance because of that, even though what follows next has happened every single time for the last few years. He continues to lightly hit her with the pillow until she, in a delightful flurry of feathers, begins to strike back. After a fun and good-looking pillow fight, he then proceeds to the bathroom to urinate and then wash his hands. After this, he then brushes his teeth and gets dressed. He goes to work and is encouraged by his boss every day for his astonishing effort and is then threatened to be promoted if it improves any more by the end of the month. He is always being encouraged by his boss because he does as much as he can do at the Woman's Abuse Shelter. He cares. But, at the end of the month he is never promoted because he threatens to take his boss's daughter out for ice cream - of whom he has fresh photos of her most recent farting accident as proof of his promise. His boss found this quite creepy and inappropriate. Normally, someone would go to the police, especially when there is photographic evidence, but the police chief is too busy to join them for ice cream and the only detective in their small town moved away four months ago. This caused a problem because the ice cream was never disposed of since the only ice cream man died one day prior due to old age. He was 79 at the time and well-loved by the community. After work, Big Jim then went home and his wife hugged him with delight. After dinner with his wife, Big Jim went to bed and had a good night's sleep.

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Why did the boy get hit by a bus? HE didn't. He watched where he was going.

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Luke, I am your father... Uh... Okay, thats chill, so uh, is my last name Vader or somthing? No son, my name is Anakin Skyw... NOOOOOOOOOOO THATS IMPOSSIBLE!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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