A Hispanic walks into an alleyway and sees two of his rich friends. He desperately needs money and only has enough time to shoot one of them because he sees the police following him. He decides which one to shoot... Wait, if he has enough time to think about this shouldn't he just shoot both of them?

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What did the caterpillar say to the robot? Nothing. Caterpillars do not have vocal chords and there are not, as yet, any truly portable robots capable of comprehending speech so to speak to one would be pointless.

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Noses are red, Lips are blue, I have hypothermia, So do you.

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Q: y does obama keep raising gas prices A: he dosent want anyone to be able to drive to the poles in november

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Why was the boy walking in circles? One of his feet was nailed to the floor...

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How do you kill a dead baby? You can't, it's already dead.

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dickdickvdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdick

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canadians

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A black guy and a white guy are arguing over what race god is. So they go to god and ask what race he is. They never got their answer, because god doesn't exist.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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What happened when the Mexican lays his head on a pillow? He falls asleep

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Three construction workers are high up on a building when they decide to take their lunch break there. The three open their respective lunches, converse pleasantly, and enjoy the fine weather.

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I'm a lion hear my threat **** you ***** and then go **** yourself. if your scared and you know it and you really want to show it crap your pants.

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A man stumbles into a bar and yells, "Let's get wa-" and falls to the floor dead. The forensic scientists preform an autopsy and find that after 15 years of achoholism and depression caused his heart to stop beating. His family may have mourned his loss, if he had not left them penniless after killing his wife.

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Why did the little girl fall off her bike? Because she didn't have any arms

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Roses are black, violets are black. I'm Hellen Keller.

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How do you make the general public confused? ...

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I did it. the Bulls fan Took a few hours on Microsoft word. then I copy and pasted it on this!

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Knock Knock! Who's there? It's Jim. Jim who? I'm your son, Jim. Are you losing your memory?

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You know what's lame? A person who can't walk.

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Whats an Anit-joke?? A joke that possesses the kind of humor based on the surprise factor of absence of an expected joke or of a punch line in a narration which is set up as a joke.

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Why don't aliens eat clowns? Because the paint used on their faces makes the extra terrestrials leery of lead poisoning.

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A man walks into a bar, the other man ducks.

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Your mother is so fat that when she sits around the house, she feels bad about herself but is too embarrassed to get a gym membership and work-out in public.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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