*Pretend your an orphan] Knock knock Who's there? Not your parents.

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PSN IS UP

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If you posten bout Kony I feel bad for you son. Cause ive snached 99 children and you pst saved none jesse

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Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Two twins are born only a minute apart. There is a mistake at the hospital and they are seperated. Years later they reconnect on Oprah and realize they do not have much in common.

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What did the girl get with no arms and no legs get for christmas? Cancer.

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What color is red paint? Red

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You know what isn't funny? Getting punched in the face. You know what is funny? Brittany Spears getting punched in the face.

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A woman walks into a bar. Since having equal rights, she too falls unconcious..... Several men walk toward the bar

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Some people are like Slinkies: they don't work as well as they say they will and you'll get bored of them quickly.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Well, there is no way to accurately estimate this number being that 1.woodchucks in fact do not chuck wood and 2. there is no time frame given for said action to take place

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guess what? i dont know, what? i dont know either, i thought you knew.

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what did the egg say to the boiling water? itll take a while to get hard cause i just got laid by a chick.

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I dont hate you Lets just say if you were on fire and i had water id drink it

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Your mother is so heavy that she decided to try out nutrisystem

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A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 30 years later he would gamble away his family's life savings and then go onto live a long and unfulfilled life.

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A black guy and a white guy both get pulled over by a cop for speeding. The white guy is promptly released with a stern warning, whle the black guy is thouroughly questioned and has his car searched for drugs, with the probable cause being that the black guy has bloodshot eyes, reeks of weed and has a bong in his frontseat.

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what does a gay horse eat heeyyyyy

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What's the difference between a Lamborghini and 10 dead babies? I don't keep a Lamborghini I'm my garage

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so there was two ducks in a bathtub. one duck says to the other duck, "hey, can you pass me the soap? the other duck says no.

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If you like piña coladas! You might be an alcoholic

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Why did the kid cry? He had a frog stapled to his face.

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What do a magazine and a banana have in common? They both have pages, except for the banana.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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