Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You would too if your name was Gnrwhaf

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A grasshopper walks into a bar and no one notices because it's just a little insect.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What shouldn't you say to a dementia patient? You already said that.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why wasent Toby at school He was hit by a tree

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How do two blondes stay alive at the bottom of a pool for 30 minutes? They don't and they died

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did a mass amount of people move to Florida? They came to murder their children and get away with it.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

so a man walks into a bar..... and says ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

If you woke up in the morning feeling like P Diddy, get tested. Immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

I like that, yet I wonder if our subconscious knows what it is what we seek, maybe we need to tell ourselves that we will find happiness, and then the mind leads us there.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Person 1:Did you hear the joke about the cat, the camera, and the pancakes? Person 2: No, I haven't. Person 1: Oh, that's too bad. Person 1 then gets up and walks into a refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why didn't the Jew laugh at the joke concerning his familial genealogy in relation to WW2? He had orofacial paralysis and was therefore physically incapable of expressing joy through the means of his mouth

thumb_up thumb_down +9

yo mama's so fat, that he doctors are slightly worried that she may be suffering from type 2 diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

what did the boy with no arms get for christmas? A pair of robtic arms and now he has super stregth so he fuk up any body who said he would get cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why do black people have nightmares? Because we killed the only one with a dream.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's the best thing about the Pixies? Their music.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats the difference between a Cadillac and 100 dead babies? I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Today we eat large amounts of pizza. The one piece had a lot of mushrooms. Like more than the other pieces. The cheese was flawless except for the burnt edges.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What happened when the woman sent back the pair of shoes she bought on eBay? She obtained a refund from the seller under eBay's return policy.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do you offend a black person? Call him a nigger.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Who is stupid and no one likes him. Me. :(

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do you find your way out of the impossible maze? You don't.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops