A thief walks into a bank. He has an account there and withdraws 200 bucks.

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did you know that zach is the coolest person ever? no? well now you know

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There is no "I" in "TEAM" However, there is a "T" an "E" an "A" and an "M"

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Why couldn't the boy see the pirate movie? Because it was sold out

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Some say Helen Keller can't write a good book. You know what she said? Nothing.

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why did you read this anti-joke? because you typed in antijoke on google or have the app on a phone

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did you hear about the dyslexic, overweight, wheelchair bound blind guy? No? Niether did I, I'm deaf so don't hear about anything.

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An alligator crawled into a bar Animal control is promptly called and he is released in a nearby lake

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What did the little boy get from his parents on Christmas? Nothing. His parents died 2 nights before in a tragic car crash.

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What is black and white and red all over? A pile of dead, bleeding, mixed race babies.

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A father and his son get into an accident and are whisked away to the hospital. The father dies, and the son is brought into surgery. The doctor is rushed in, but looks at the boy and says "I can operate on this boy, his my son." How is this possible? The boy's father was a zombie.

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What do u call 30000 Mexicans rolling Dow a hill. Hahaha your mom

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Q: What race was Jesus Christ? A: None, he's not real

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whats gay and american? a gay american

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where is my tractor?

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A Gamer walks into the tavern, the bartender says to him, "just dont act like you control the place!"

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Whats the difference between a black man and a white man? the pigment in their skin.

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Why can't monkeys and kuala bears get along? Because they are two entirely different species that cannot communicate with each other...

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a dedicated fat guy joins a kung fu dojo he is asked to dedicate his like to his kung fu the fat man dose not he is already dedicated to being a fat guy

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Q. Why did Sarah fall off of the swing? A. She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sarah!

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like if your cool

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Why did the bakery run out of the business? They weren't making enough dough

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Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was tired of this joke.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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