Good friends are like snowflakes. They disappear when you pee on them.

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Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where is my tractor?

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Why did the man kill his friend? How am I supposed to know

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What kind of mother doesn't do laundry? A dead one.

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What do you call an unconscious black man? An ambulance.

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why did so many people die in the typhoon in the Philippines because they had to finish there math homework

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Q: What's worse than being raped by a giant scorpion? Getting raped by 2 giant scorpions, a fridge, some potatoes and a hule bunch of worms.

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Why did the Nun refude to say Thank You Father? Because she was raped by her father as a child.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the baby monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the dead monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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GOODBYE

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Three girls are walking in the woods they see tracks one thinks it is a bear the other thinks it is a deer the last one thinks it is a lion They all argue till they get hit by a train and realized they were train tracks

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What's worse than having to watch your dad rape your mom? Having to watch your mom rape your dad.

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Why did the plane crash? Because a tomato was the pilot.

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-It ain't over till the fat lady sings -she just did -oh, I guess it's over then -k

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What's the difference between a chicken? One leg is both the same

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Knock knock Who's there? Overused punchline Overused punchline who? The Holocaust.

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Why wouldn't Rose let go of Jack? Freddie told her that he was just a poor boy and nobody loves him.

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Why did the young girl fall off her bike? Because somebody threw a fridge at her.

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Q: Why did Katie fall off the swing? A: She had no arms. Knock, Knock Who's There? Not Katie.

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What's the difference between Timmy and a car? Timmy can be brutally murdered.

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What do Kobe Bryant and a toaster have in common? They both rape white women. Except for the toaster.

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What's black and white and red all over and can't turn around in an elevator? A nun with a spear through her back

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Did you hear about the new XBOX releasing in Mexico. It's called the XBOX JUAN!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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