Why did the math student refuse to do his geometry homework? Straight lines do not exist, so there is no real world application to any geometric shape.

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what sucks blows and gets laid in the closet. YOUR MOM VACUMING

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Q: If I have 5 pencils, and you have 3 spoons, how many pancakes will stick to the ceiling? A: Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? On average 2,950, however, this has not been properly tested due to obvious reasons.

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A white horse walks into a bar and orders a bitter. The bartender says "Hey, do you know we've got a drink named after you?" The horse says; "Eeek! A talking cow."

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If the blue dog falls out of sample object, how many bananas does my mom eat? No, because markers can't talk

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An alligator crawled into a bar Animal control is promptly called and he is released in a nearby lake

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Why was the little girl crying in the woods at night? There was psychotic killer chasing her with a chainsaw.

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What did the little boy get from his parents on Christmas? Nothing. His parents died 2 nights before in a tragic car crash.

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why do german shower have eleven holes? jews have 10 fingers

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Why couldn't the boy see the pirate movie? Because it was sold out

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So a jelly bean walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "whatchuu doin here jelly bean" the jelly bean doesn't respond and sits there awkwardly because he neither speaks English nor has the brain capacity to move or breathe. The bartender closes the store and comes back the next day to find the bean in the same awkward position.

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How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Let's ride bikes!!

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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer walk into a bar. They order some drinks, sit quietly and stare at their shoes until they've finished their drinks, then go back home and wallow in loneliness, wishing their social skills weren't so abysmal.

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why did you read this anti-joke? because you typed in antijoke on google or have the app on a phone

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God Nero, Marry me now! I removed the nose thingie but it wont stop.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Ya. Ya Who? Dot Com.

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What do u call 30000 Mexicans rolling Dow a hill. Hahaha your mom

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roses are red violets are blue get out of my face before i kill you

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What do you call a spoiled black daughter? Tiana (Disney Princess)

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Actually it was me Josh brown

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why did the chicken cross the road? because he wanted to prove he wasn't chicken

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why should you not shake a baby? because if it dies it wouldnt know that its parents hate them.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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