Why did the black man bleed to death? He was stabbed, but he bled to death because his doctor had just prescribed him some blood-thinners for his serious headaches.

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Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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why did the Chinese guy take steroids? He didn't he's naturally small.

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patient: Doctor, doctor, i think i'm a lemon. Doctor: racial segregation and presidency is my middle name.

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How do you stop a black kid from jumping around in your bedroom? Chuck him out of the house.

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What`s pink and fluffy? Pink fluff What did the banana say to the ear? Hello

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Why did Marilyn Manson surgically remove 2 ribs from his body? To suck his own penis.

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Why can't Stevie wonder read? He can. He reads braille.

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Man goes to doctor, says he's depressed. The world is bleak and hopeless and life just isn't worth living. The doctor thinks for a second then smiles. "Treatment is simple he says, the great clown Pagliacci is in town. Go see him, that should pick you up." The man bursts into tears, sobs hysterically like a child, "But doctor," he says. "I am Pagliacci."

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A jew walked into a bar Hitler said.... A jew walked out of a concentration camp

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Whats worse than Sandy Hook Massacre? 9/11

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding Barney the purple dildo!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was being raped and was fugitive lot trying to escape, to no avail.

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How do you make a person dissapear? You can't that would break the laws of physics, so therefore rendered impossibe.

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what worse than bitting into an apple and finding a worm bitting into a worm and finding an apple

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eyebrows up means ur flirting this isnt a joke dont laugh

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Today I wanted to make world peace.... So I killed everyone.

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A Jew buys something that is not on sale

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Why was Cinderella so bad at ball? Isn't that sexist, making assumptions about Cinderella's sports capability when you have never seen her play sports before (because she is a fictional character) and then asking why this is true when you have no proof that it is in fact true? But I would guess the correct answer is (if she is bad at ball in the first place) that she never played ball before. Think about it. Why did you have to ask this question at all? Isn't it obvious?

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful business man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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How many times do you have to make an ass of yourself before you look like a retard and thinking ''random'' means funny? Fuck yourself HAHAHAHAHA seriously stahp

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What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa stops after 3 hos

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1, but if the ladder is shaky, you might need another to hold it up.

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Great ideas: Go to your facebook account and type in: Man, I am gonna suicide right now, bye! Moral: Now if you do it as well, nah, dont do it, seriously... Just type it!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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