A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, some dont

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Joe: Hey, why are your counters all red and your blender looks broken? Me: The same reason why Mrs. Johnson's baby is missing. ajl

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So a black guy goes to college and doesn't steal anything or rape anyone. He has a 4.0 GPA and is one of the smartest students at Harvard University.

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What's the difference between The Hulk and The Thing? One is green.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Because it was struck by lightning and died.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? You shouldn't call him anything. He needs help. -Tag

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Apple hates Blackberry.

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Why was the blonde so stupid? She suffers a severe case of retardation.

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The one under this is a fake. i wrote the real one

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how do you make Will Smith cry? cut off his toes and fingers.

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what do u call a kid at school a school kid and i have enough of these anti jokes they are not funny

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What is the difference between a black person and a bicycle? You can sell a bicycle legally.

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Yo mamma's so fat she attracts other matter with a force proportional to the product of their masses divided by the square of the distance.

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Tunechi

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What's sad about this man who committed suicide? He forgot to return his rented DVDs.

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Emily Scarpello...Fat Couch

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Why is Michael J. Fox so go at dance? Because he took lesson as a child

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It escaped.

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What do you get when Justin Bieber mates with a beaver? Nothing, the species are too genetically different to produce offspring

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What did the black man say to the Jew? Hi.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a bagel.

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I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. I suffer from a debilitating sleep disorder.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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