Yar! What be a pirate's favorite football team? The Steelers. I'm originally from Pittsburgh.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a pop because he was a designated driver

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Yo mama's so ugly, one day she looked in the mirror and her face was a wreck. Later that day she committed suicide.

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What is the street value of Amy Winehouse's ashes? Nothing. They are ashes, not drugs.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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3 guys are in a car crap manners and shut up.shut up is driving and crape falls out the window so manners goes and gets him. A cop pulls over shut up.he goes what's your name son?shut up.where's your manners boy?over there picking up crape.

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two penguins are hanging out in Antartica. the one looks to the other an says "man its really cold out" the other quicky waddles away because of the strange alien sound its friend just made

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Hollywood today: If you Like Dragonball Evolution you are gonna love this. Peter Linkoff a 16 year old boy, is being chased by his half brother Jack Ganonbad as Peter Falls into a hole, which contains a cellphone... ...THE LINK TO PLANET ZELDA! There he discovers that he holds the Link between earth and Zelda, and just then planet Zelda is threatened by The Evil Master Sword! A Meteor so destructive, that it sheer force could destroy the entire universe! *Random scenes going by so fast that you cant make shit out of them begins* "PETER LINKOFF YOU ARE IN DANGER!" *BOOOOOOM*" "BUT WHAT IF HE IS NOT THE DELIVER OF THE BOOMERANG!" Iiiit is said... Thhaat heee that wields the lasergun known as the wooden sword...<

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Why did Timmy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because I kicked her in face! Why didn't she get back up? Because she didn't have any friends!

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A Jewish man answered his phone one day. The man on the line said he'd kill him and all his family. The Jewish man then hung up the phone and resumed his everyday life.

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Why was the black man crying? His wife left him, took his children, and most of his possessions in the divorce.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "What will it be tonight?" He then promptly remembers he is on anti-joke.co but is too late to react. The horse has already shit on the floor. This is the fifth time this week that this has happened.

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What do Barney and a butchers knife have in common? One of them is purple

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Your moms so fat she struggles to to everyday tasks

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why did the teacher quit her job and become a musician? Because her class was very mean to her and growing up she had always wanted to play music

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side.

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A mans wife gets pregnant after he has a visectomy... She was artificially inseminated using sperm he froze before the operation

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How many filthy niggers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, because I killed off all the filthy niggers.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange? One is a deceased human infant and the other is a delicious citrus fruit.

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Q: what sport has a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench? A:the NBA

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do you know whats worse than a bad joke on antijoke.com the holocaust.

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A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I would like a rum and............ Coke." The bartender asks, curiously, "What's up with the big pause?" The bear looks down at his paws, embarrassed, and mumbles under his breath, "social anxiety."

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Why was the mushroom invited to the party? It was because it was a mushroom costume party

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what smells like a rose bud? a rose, bud.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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