Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

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Straight man: Gays can't have babies so they shouldn't be allowed to have sex. Gay man: But you got a vasectomy last year, so you can't make babies either. The straight man sees the irony, realizes how judgmental he has been and never has sex again because he maintains his opinion that gays shouldn't have sex.

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Do you know whats funny? No do you know i was asking a question

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Your momma's so not fat that when a school bus rolled by here house, she just sat there and turned on oprah.

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What do you call your mom after she brings a guy home from a bar? A very caring woman because she doesn't want him driving drunk.

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Sometimes i like to stand on my chair and pretend that i am a carrot.

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How do you sink a Polish submarine? Hit it with a torpedo.

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Two black men walk into a strip club. They immediately walk out because they have faithful wives at home nurturing their beautiful African children.

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What did the apple say to the grape? Nothing, fruit are incapable of speaking

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Words with two W's or N's in them are awkward and unnecessary

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because on the other side of the road people don't question his motives

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Have you ever tried Ethiopian food? No. Neither have they.

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roses are blue, violets are red. I am color blind

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Truth is Jordan Abu aita has a hairy @ss

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Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip? to ge to the same side

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A dog walks into a bar. He's a service animal, so this is allowed.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Get in the car.

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Why did man lay down? His dog ate his genitals.

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I run, but I have no legs. I see, but I have no eyes. What am I? A prospective result of future medical advancements that allow the disabled to live normal, healthy and fulfilling lives.

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how do you kill a man? slowly saw off all their limbs and then jump up and down on the torso and let all the organs fly out

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Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

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why don't asians use this finger (point at pinky)? because it's my finger.

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why can't johnny compete in the track race? because he has no feet.

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what has wheels and is red. A heart, i lied about the wheels.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops