Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the green grape say to the purple grape? BREATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A: Knock Knock (pause) B: Please use the doorbell, it is very late and I like to be considerate of my neighbors

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the racist white guy say to the black guy? "I don't like Asians."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What is the way to a man's heart? Through his stomach. With a knife. Then then go up a little.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man walked into a bar. Ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q:If quizes are, "guizicles," then what are tests? A:Who calls quizes, "quizicles?"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's fatter than your mum? Your mum's mum

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's a ghost's favorite color? Usually whatever their favorite color was in life.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was the cat meowing really loud? It was on fire. Why did the cat suddenly stop meowing? It died.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding an apple in your worm.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do mermaids wear? Nothing. Mermaids don't exist

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to my house. Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you make an egg laugh? You can't. Eggs are inanimate objects which are incapable of emotion, thus laughter.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? the holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: What's worse than a pile of dead babies? A: The live one at the bottom trying to eat his way out. Q: What's worse than that? A: When he comes back for more.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: I didn't get to ask. He got hit by a car.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the pedophile cross the road? To molest a child.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why couldn't the girl find a date to the prom? Because she was really, really ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the dinosaurs die out? This is a long and debated subject, and as no one was alive back then and no solid evidence has been found to support any theories we can only wait.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A bison trots into a bar. The bartender says, "My pee makes bubbles in the toilet." Amazed by the urination fact, the bison explodes.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the Irishman say to the German? "Sorry, do you have the time?"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are red, violets are blue, your Mom is a fake, she adopted you!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

At first I was at the party and I was like YOLO!! But then I got pregnant and was like yolo....

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops