I got shot in the balls now i'm pregnant?

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Why did captain hook die? He wiped asss

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Quaint? Oh yeah? YOU ARE QUAINT! No seriously, whats that word all about.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead

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How does Lady Gaga like her meat? As a dress.

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What do you call a black Santa Claus A N i g g e r that doesn't exist

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What looks like a rainbow but isn't seen in the sky? A drawing of a rainbow

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Did u know that every 60 seconds in Africa a minute passes by?

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Roses are grey, Violets are grey, I'm color blind, How about you?

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What do you call a blond reading a book? A blond reading a book.

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A guy walks into a restaurant and sits down only to realize he is not wearing any pants. Immediately the police are called and arrest the man for indecent exposure. Given there were children in the restaurant at the time, the man is also charged as level 3 sex offender and is held on $100,000 bail. His family receives the news and become the talk of the town. His wife commits suicide from embarrassment, leaving her 10 year old son up for adoption who later gets involved with drugs due to his rough childhood.

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What's scarier than the most horrifying monster you can think of? The thought of Donald Trump becoming president!

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An Ethiopian fell into an alligator infested river. He ate 7 of them before he got out.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a toothpick

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Chuck Norris' beard takes 1st 2nd and 3rd in the most impressive beard catagory. He was the only contestant.

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Why was the mother sad? Because she had just watched her beloved baby get shoved in a blender.

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Q. Why was the little boy sad? A. He had a frog stapled to his face.

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Why was the black kid at school? Because he wanted to receive an education.

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Why did the black man get fired? In this economy businesses are downsizing and outsourcing jobs for cheaper labor.

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What did one duck say to the other duck? Quack.

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What's worse than finding out your husbands gay...........finding out he's gay with your brother"

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Why does Eric Clapton use a Mac? Because he prefers Macs.

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An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Then the Atheist died a violent and terrible death.

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Your mother is so fat, she tried to suicide because she was unhappy with her weight. She tried a diet and it didn't work; she suffers from depression and went to see a doctor about her weight. Life is getting worse for your mother and she is starting to develop diabetes. Your relatives and cousins are going to the hospital to visit her sometime this week; the doctor says she only has about a week left before she passes away.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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