A kid goes into the ocean on a boogyboard and then gets eaten by a shark because the shark thought he was a seal.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, why am i even talking to you?

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Awe the sky is crying.... No it's peeing

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What has seven legs and cant walk? A paraplegic, and I lied about five of those legs.

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Q: What did little Timmy get from his mother this Christmas? A: The contents of her will.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a trunk? 37.

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Billy and Joseph are playing Rock paper scissors. Billy says paper. Joseph proceeds to throw a rock as hard as he can at Billys face and sends him to the emergency room where he was later diagnosed with terminal testicular cancer.

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? A: Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Why did the woman throw a stick of butter out her window? She was mentally unstable.

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What did the boy get at the bowling alley for his birthday? a corpse. *from Bones

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How did the fat guy survive the air crash? He was he was astronomically and improbably lucky.

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Why did Suzy fall of the swing? Cuz she had no arms! B I T C H

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So a little girl walked into a bar... A concerned adult then told the bartender. The bartender's name was Jim. Jim then asked the girl if she knew her phone number. The little girl said nothing and the bar tender was perplexed at the petrified look on the girls face. Jim the bartender then called the police and explained the situation.Once the girl was brought back to the police station it was learned that she had been missing for three months in a nearby county. The police then return to the bar to find that the owner had multiple kidnapped little girls in a cage under the bar that only he and the kidnapped girls knew about before the cops and Jim the bartender discovered it. The police then arrested The owner of the bar. He stood trial and was senteced to death row, he remains there today.

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Two gophers are in a tank One of them says how the heck do you drive this thing?

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What's black and white and red all over? The newspaper classified section after a man has abandoned long, futile job hunt. He has crossed out all the potential jobs with red ink. He was laid off due to the downturn in the economy and will now have to get food stamps, which is very embarrassing for a man who has worked to support his family his entire life.

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His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

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Why did the black man bleed to death? He was stabbed, but he bled to death because his doctor had just prescribed him some blood-thinners for his serious headaches.

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A girl talks to here boyfriend about collage. What is his responce? Nothing. No one talks about college.

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What do you call a person with no arms, legs, and teeth singing in the middle of the street while spinning? I don't know.

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How do you get your dog to give you a blow job? You have to force him.

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Roses are grey, violets are grey, everything is grey, i'm a dog.

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Why did the guy stay up all night on the internet? because hes a fat ugly bastard with no life

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What do you call a bunch of spics playing soccer? Professional soccer players.

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Why do men not get cullulite? Because it's ugly.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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