#So tell me what you want, what you really really want, so tell me what you want, what you really really want.# OhOk then. I'll take that photo of your mother.

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How many Jews can you fit inside a car? Legally somewhere between 2 and 9 depending on seat belt availability and passenger space.

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A blind man walks into a bar. The next day he goes out and buys a new seeing eye dog.

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women's rights

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A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was stapeled on to the elephant.

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Why was Mary mucky? Because she was dragged to a field and raped

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Knock knock! Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave Smith. Oh, hey Dave. Come in.

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''In Austin, Texas, President Obama told an audience, 'If you want to go forward you put your car in 'D.' If you want to go backward, you put your car in 'R.'' But you know something? Either way, the economy is still F'd.''

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Q. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman? A. Cause you have to hollow out it's head! A blonde walked into a doctor's office with two burnt ears. The doctor asked her, "What happened to your ear?" The blonde replied, "I was ironing and the phone rang, so instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and put it to my ear. Still not satisfied, the doctor asked, "Well, what happened to the other ear?" "The sucker called again!"

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What do kittens and napkins have in common? You can sneeze into both of them except the kitten doesn't like it

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Why was the black man running? He has to stay fit for the army.

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Your mother is so morbidly obese that if she sat on me, she would crush my skull and kill me.

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A Jew, black person, and Mexican jump out of a plane, which one falls first? Who cares they all died

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A boy's parents buy him a Wii for Christmas. The boy hangs himself the next day because you need arms to play Wii.

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What did one tampon say to another? Nothing they were both stuck up.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Eat a d!ck you sh!t fukk! I'm going have to ask you leave now

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What is funnier than 24 69

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Every Good Boy Deserves Fibromyalgia

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Why din't Santa come to Timmy's house? Timmy died 6 months ago. :(

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What's worse than smelly feet? Smelly hands.

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What's red and has zippers? Nothing, because watermelons can't physically drive without the help of a sheeps spinal cords ... DUH

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why did the Chinese guy take steroids? He didn't he's naturally small.

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Why did the young girl fall off of the swing set? Because a man came up behind her and pushed her. He then picked her up, brought her home and fed her a nice three course meal and put her to bed. When she woke up she snuck out of the house and alerted the police.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops