If you are reading this you are a nerd

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken just lost his job and has entered into a deep depression. He was going to commit suicide at the local KFC, but as he walked into the KFC, he saw a beautiful woman. They lived a full and happy life together until the chicken died of old age. Turns out the woman was blind, and partially deaf.

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A man and his friend are talking. The man says, "You know what's funny? Sometimes you mean to say one thing and you say a completely different thing. Like the other day I wanted to buy a ticket to pittsburgh, but the lady I was buying it from had very large breasts, so I accidentally said 'Can I have a picket to titsburgh?'" And the other guy says, "Yeah, man, it's really funny you say that, the other day I meant to ask my wife to pass the salt, and I said 'you whore, you ruined my life'"

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A Man, a chicken and a horse walk in to a bar and sit down at the stools near the jukebox. The jukebox is playing Love Me Tender. The Bartender notices the man pull something from his pocket and hand it to the chicken who takes it in her beak and then turns to the horse and passes it to him. "What'll it be?" says the Bartender. "methamphetamines", says the horse ironically.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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why did the fish get flushed down the drain? because it was dead

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When Chuck Norris dives into a pool... he gets wet due to the aqueous nature of the water

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Roses are red, Violets are violet, If you think Violets are blue you're an idiot because they're called violets for a reason.

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roses are red violets are blue your friend is a scumbag and so are you

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A man walks into a bar in the morning. He is the bartender, and he works there.

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I really don't like Holocaust jokes. My grandfather died in the Holocaust. He fell off of a guard tower.

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What's big and grey and can't climb trees? A car park.

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A man walks into a bar and sees a woman starring at him, she seems attractive... he walks up to her and realizes that sheis quite mediocre if not even ugly. He proceeds to say "You'll do"

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Fact: When you die, you can't eat ice cream!

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the WNBA

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Whats a difference between an eagle and a tree? They both can fly. Oh yeah, I Iied about the tree.

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What rhymes with turtle? RAPE

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse replies, "My wife is dying of terminal brain cancer."

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Why'd the blonde jump out the window? To kill herself

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What is the difference between ashes and a jew? A lot

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There are two types of people in this world, those that can extrapolate from incomplete data

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What do you say to a cat with a helmet on? Silly cat, you rhyme with hat but you shouldn't wear one.

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Where do you find a baby with no arms or legs? Where you left it.

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What does Obama, the President of the United States of America see when he closes his eyes? His eyelids

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops