What's long, yellow, and can kill you if swallowed? A school bus

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Why would a woman be out of the kitchen? Because she is busy working, being outside, resting, or any other activity that does not include food.

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homosexual

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What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? No one laughs at your jokes.

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When life gives you limes....... first you have some problem and second u throw them at people

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A woman walks into a bar and asks for a duck. The bartender is confused, assumes the women has some sort of mental problem, and treats her nicely, as his sister suffers from Down's Syndrome.

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roses are rose, violets are violet, now shut up, you retarded black poet!

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what do you get when you cross a red snugulo and a blue glurga? your on acid

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whats the difference between a thousand dead babies and a porshe? i dont have a porshe in my garage

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Once a man asked a lady working at the supermarket, Can I see your avocados? She kindly walked him over to the rack where they were being held.

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How did the Nazis torture someone? They inserted a glass tube in the penis and flicked the end so that it shattered.

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Why was Mary's phone call suddenly disconnected? She was raped.

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Female Orgasms

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DON'T READ THIS!!! you suck.

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What did the cow do when it got run over by a tractor? It died.

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Why does Justin Beiber look like a girl? Because he achieved international fame and fortune at a prepubescent age, and has made more money before he turned 18 than most people will in their entire lives.

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How many people of a certain demographic does it take to change a light bulb? x+1 (x >0), 1 person to change the lightbulb and x to behave in a manner consistent with the established stereotype of said demographic.

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How do you get a one armed polock out of a tree? You assess the situation and get a ladder the proper size to reach him, making sure the ladder is stable.

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A boy writes an anti-joke. It is not funny. He sees his friends teasing him about the jokes stupidity. He promptly pokes his eyes out with a dull broom stick. He can still hear his friends mocking him. He cuts his ears off with an industrial meat slicer. He wakes up the next morning and doesnt give a crap about the prior days events. Mainly because he can no longer see or hear.

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Why was Sally in a wheelchair? Her abusive father beat her repeatedly with a rake.. Then as she crawled out the door to try and get help, the abusive father took his Dodge Ram and ran over her legs reapeatedly. Then began to slap her. Luckily, a vigilante saw the whole thing and slaughtered the father with an axe and carefully escorted Sally to the hospital. After a couple of weeks of beautiful and extraordinary care, Sally made a full recovery and was able to leave.. and all patients have to leave in a wheelchair

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a giant scorpian. Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpian? Getting tortured to death. Whats worse than being tortured to death? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, and getting tortured to death. Whats worse than that? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, getting tortured to death, and finding a worm in your apple.

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YOUR MOTHER IS SO FAT that she sought a relevant support group. My understanding is that she tried Overeater's Anonymous and lost a few pounds, but it meant more that it improved her sense of self-worth. She's more comfortable with herself as a somewhat overweight woman, and a much happier person now. We're all very proud of her.

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Is it true that curiousity killed the cat? No, I hit it multiple times with a baseball bat

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when i'm away from home i sometimes get love sick, well they call it chlamydiae.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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