A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How do you stop a black man from spitting? People of all races and colours are quite within their right to spit on their own property whenever they wish. However if anyone spits on or near you, you could report him to the police, but don't expect to be taken seriously.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What is black and likely to fail? A chain smokers lungs.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Hitler and Jews become friends.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Q: What's multicoloured and spins around while screaming in agony? A: A clown in a washing machine.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

WILLY

thumb_up thumb_down -24

"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Chuck Norris." "Chuck Norris who?" "NOBODY SAYS 'CHUCK NORRIS WHO'!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -24

knock knock whose there? banana banana who? knock knock? whose there? banana knock knock? whose there? banana

thumb_up thumb_down -24

what looks like a sock and goes on peoples feet? A sock

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How do you know what to order at a Creole restaurant? Ask the waiter, they are usually familiar enough with the menu to make an educated recommendation.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Two flatfishes swam in a bathtub.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Knock, Knock Who's there? Knock, Knock Knock, Knock who? Knock, Knock

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you through them.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

You say: Why did the chicken cross the road? Response: Why? (or some other answer to a different joke) You say: To get to your house! Knock, knock. Response: Who's there? You say: The CHICKEN!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Q: How can you tell when your selling a Blondel a microwave A: she will keep asking how many chandler the Tv gets

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What is the saddest thing in a porno? He doesn't really love her.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

If the Trojan Horse was a deadly deception, is it My Lethal Phony?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What has stripes, isn't a virgin, and has golden hands? I don't know I asked you first.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

four score and seven years ago. . sharks with frickn laser beams attached to their FRICKeN HEADs.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What is worse than a worm in you're apple? Two worms in you're apple.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Little Stephanie was up all night on Christmas eve excited for her new bike that Santa was going to bring her. After tossing and turning for what seemed like decades, the sunset finally arose and Stephanie ran down the steps to unwrap her new bike with the family. Immediately after she went down the staircase, she found her parents marinated in their own blood, with knife wounds all around their body.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

I wont be arriving soon alright, I mean I am a overachiever for many reasons many of them not exactly "gifts" (such as the pain I cant shut up about but focus on other things such as my goal surely keeps my mind occupied enough). Thanks about the looks comment, used to think I was pretty good looking myself, so if I am more than the looks, then I really like that one (I know I am being a bit brash, but I haven't felt this... Better in a long time, and if hell if I will fake low self confidence, modesty is not my thing when I am not in the mood to be charming) By the way, Alice is quoting me, and having a laugh doing so apparently, lets just say I wont be typing myself ever again, my fingers are not... Useful, and honestly typing with one hand was always a bitch. Enough about me, ill have one of "my shadows" send you money for a first class (seriously you have spent enough on me, and now that my city is making a revenue and still advancing, its my turn to return whatever I can) Tell your parents you won the lottery and share some of the money with them I am sending you a bit extra so to speak. And ffs do not worry about my body, not even sure if I will walk again and speaking, well while it hurts (Alice is laughing again) people here concluded I would live for faaar longer than their first prognosis since I never been a fan of shutting up, and as I told them, my mouth will keep yapping about 200 years after I die, so no problemo. Ill send you a first class to... Nvm you take the money, and come around whenev... You know what? Ill send a plane, yeah, because we can afford that, not yours to keep but you know...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

here's a chuck norris fact: Chuck Norris is 5'10 and lost to bruce lee!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What did one Platypus say to the other Platypus? Nothing, Platypuses can't talk. However, they are the only mammal to lay eggs.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops