Why does Santa live in the north pole? Because his spicy body fat keeps him warm.

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An Irish guy, a black guy, and an Asian guy walk into a bar. They all caught the plague and died.

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Martin Skrtel walks into a bar The bar breaks, Martin then pays for any damages caused

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A man walks in to a bar with a frog stapled to his head. The bar tender says What the heck is that. The frog says I don't know this thing has been coming out of my but for two days

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Me. Me Who? Me. Uh.

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What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware River? Men, to the boats.

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A police officer asks a witness of a murder what he witnessed. The man replies "A murder"

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you know somebody is lying when it IS opposite day.

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Two penguins are sitting in the bathtub, the first one says to the second one "pass the soap." The other penguin says," what do I look like a radio?"

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Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

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In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

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Whats long and black and goes around corners? The unemployment line.

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Two fish are in a tank. One asks the other, "How do you drive this thing?"

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Santa Claus is so hairy he need to shave more often.

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Why didnt little timmy have a pencil? He was poor

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What did the single guy do on Valentine's Day? Celebrate his birthday since he was born on the same day.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he has no sense of living and no muscles to move.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Chickens don't have the cognitive capacity to reason. So you'd never know

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There was once a really smart Hufflepuff.

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Knock knock Who's there Why? Why who? Why so serious?

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I met her back in the 80s when she was a man.

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How do you make a Bong Ki mad? Call him a Bong Ki.

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Whats up with your nan? Copious amounts of lsd

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Hey guys! Today is September 10th you know what tomorrow means? Party at my house! ...What? It's my birthday.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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