A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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An orphan walks into a bar. The bartender calls Child Protective Services and is given to a nice foster family.

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How do you get your girlfriend's yapping Chihuahua to be quiet? Throw it through a window.

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What did the black guy say in the phone? Hello

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Q: What was the pirate movie rated? A: PG-13 for violence and brief nudity.

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Why did the boy jump off the building? To get to the bottom.

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why was joe in hospital with facial disorder? his mum hit him with a fridge

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i like how everyone hates a german version of an antijoke but no one has aknowleged the english one

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What's funnier than the pope in a speedo? Humor is subjective, so answers vary from person to person.

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Why didn't the teenager go to high school? He was murdered

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was suicidal, and this wasn't just any road. It was the new highway built, with frequent traffic jams and a speed limit of 90 mph.

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person 1. Did you here about the black guy who went to college? person 2.no person 1. either have i whats ironic is that they are both black

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What do you call a city that never sleeps? Cities cannot sleep; they merely represent a societal body of people living in a confined community. A city may have a prosperous night-life, however, cannot functionally "fall asleep" in the convential sense of the term.

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Why don't bats have penises? They do. I tried. Menstruation.

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Whats the difference between a black an white guy? They have different skin tones

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Roses are red. Violets are red. Your garden's on fire.

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knock knock who's there? hope

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Why did Mary fall of the swing? Because she had no arms. Who pushed johnny of the cliff? Certainly not Mary

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How do you get the icing in the middle of a cupcake? Cupcake raper...Duh

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Q: How do you make a plumber sad? A: Kill his family

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no pun intended

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When life gives you lemon, Squeeze lemon juice in life's eyes Rape it And demand oranges

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Why was the homeless man begging for money? Because he needed money to buy liquer for his severe alcohol addiction that was slowly destroying his liver.

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Your mother lives so loosely that she has several terminal diseases and only has 3 weeks to live.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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