Lillie: tell me three adjectives that would describe yourself. Ellie: pretty, smart, and funny. Lillie: if I were to analyze you...I would say you are pretty, smart, and funny.

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Hey Eliza, thanks, while I appreciate the help, Alice is crying in a corner and refusing to get up, I wont lie, for a moment there I could "see voices and music" and valium has taken care of the ptsd (and blown most of my brain, which is nice for a change). With that said, im on 40 mg ritalin which is a lot, but I need it, besides I can handle the anxiety. I have no idea who the guy typing this is, but he is following me to the letter, so thats good enough, except his typos being worse than mine, which is pretty good for a guy that barely speaks english. Sorry Eliza, but Alice is having a breakdown here, ill talk her down a bit first, she tries to hide it, but she is far more worried about me than I am, which is nice, just not like this, ill be right back with you.

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there is a blonde, red head, and brunet held captive in afghanistan. The people say whats your last word to the red head, she says tornado... they turned and she escaped, they say to the brunet what is your last word, she says tsunami.. they turn and she escaped. They go to the blonde and say what is your last word, she says fire... she is then shot rapidly and she dies.

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The past the present and the future walk into a bar it made no logical sense that three things that will always contradict each other exist with each other and can walk into a bar without limbs or being alive it wasn't tense it made no sense

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His whole family attempted to cross the road approximately 30 seconds earlier and were immediately struck by a moving vehicle traveling at 45 miles per hour. He crossed the road to try to comfort his family while they took their final breathes of life. The chicken was also not really a chicken but a man that had recently been laid off from his union job and came down with a disease that is considered uncurable by modern science.

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This is a joke only for males: Walk into any semi busy public restroom. Stand at the urinal for about 30 seconds to a minute acting as though you cannot find your penis. Make sure you have the attention of at least 2 other urinators and then exclaim quite loudly "I can't find it!" then walk out.

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A monkey walks into a bar. Monkeys are always funny.

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I saw a guy walking down the street like a black person. I just shook my head and smiled. He WAS black.

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so a jew walks into a bar and leaves at 9:00 becuase he has work in the morning.

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What do a book and a tractor have in common? Both are for driving, except the book.

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Whats faster than a black man running away from the cops? The speed of light.

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a horse walks into a bar the bartender says "why such the long face?" the horse is now crying in tears because the bartender made him. by Brennan pickrell

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what do you call someone with one arm? Handicapped.

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Q: Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? A: Neither did she...

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Why was the girl crying on the busy street? She was naked.

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Why did the blond woman sell her water skis? She was in a horrible accident and will never walk again.

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What's funnier than 24? 25

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Why was Frankenstein green? Because he painted himself green. Frankenstein is the scientist, not the monster.

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Patient: I thonk I'm gonna die Doctor: well will ya hurry up and die already? I've got to treat a kid with a paper cut.

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Why can't we see the wind? Because no one likes you...

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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This is sparta No this is patrick

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How many babies can you fit in a bottle? None, a bottle is too small

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A cheeseburger and fries walk into a bar. The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve lunch"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops