- Anti Joke

Why does the St. Johns River flow north? Because Georgia Sucks.

When life gives you lemons you have lemons.

why can't James swim at 2010 summer ? because james died at 2009

What kind of words did the terrorist say on his date? His last ones.

Q.What did the German say when he walked into the bar? A.Ich möchte ein Bier bitte. Das würde mich viel besser fühlen. Meine Frau ist gerade gestorben, weil ich sie zu Tode prügeln, und ich bin ein Alkoholiker.

What do you call a person rolling down a hill, in a burning car, with a pack of wolves running after him? DEAD!

You know whats worse than finding 3 dead children in your house? Finding 2 dead children in your house.

Who hacks darts? • Jack Nolan aka Bowlbot 300 J-Bowls

The Pope, Queen Elizabeth and a schoolboy are on a plane that is going to crash. It crashes and they all die instantly.

How many licks does it take to get to center of a tootsie pop? pickles, 7:00 pm, wood, shoulder pain

how do you get a happy man to stop smiling? hit him in the face repeatedly untill he is dead.

What did Superman say when he forgot his cape? "Where's my cape?"

If video games were peaceful. Man! You are so strait! That was so good man! GG.

I tell the Doctor I'm having pains in my chest. He says that sounds serious and admits me immediately to the hospital.

What's worse than finding a Worm in your Apple? being Mauled to death.

In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

A straight A star quarterback in his senior year of high school was about to throw the game winning pass in his season's last game and complete the school's undefeated record when he was sacked by a defender. He fell incorrectly and broke both of his legs, rendering all of his scholarships invalid. He hasn't walked since.

Why was Hellen Keller afraid to answer the phone? This situation is impossible because Hellen suffered from scarlet fever, therefore she could not see or hear the phone.

A bear walks into a bar, and says "I would like a pint of..........beer." The bar tender asked "why the long pause?" The bear replies "I think I just had a stroke."

Why did Martin have to retake his exams? Because Martin is a right royal Dumbass.

A: Knock knock B: Who's there? A: Doctor B: Doctor who? A: Doctor Johnson, i'm here to check up on you. How's the medication going? B: It's going well thank you, it's working. A: That's very good to hear. Hope you recover soon. B: Thank you!

What was so sad about the white woman who dropped her Starbucks? It fell on her baby in a nearby stroller giving it third degree burns, disfiguring its face.

Justin Bieber

Well... At that time everyone expected that the only people that knew hypnosis where either "born with the gift from the stars" or was some old beard man that spent "hundreds of years in the mountains".or a wizard or a shamanic priest, or well some guy in a particular stupid suit of sorts, it increased its potency simple as that, as having people stare at me and laugh because "You are not some beardy guru master" is a pretty bad start for the effective use of mass hypnosis. Mono-ideoism actually just means really concentrated focus on a single object or state of mind, the thing about the name (aside from sounding kinda mono-idiotic) is that strong focus alone does NOT lead to a state of relaxation which is one of the prime requirements to achieve a state of trance, I mean try focusing on something really hard and your body produces a huge amount of beta waves, aka stress. All of that is bullshit, but my horrible childhood did leave me with the "gift" to space out pretty quickly, so I learned it pretty fast without really knowing what it was at first.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops