what did the blind deaf orphan get for christmas? cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +26

I think people who go to see a psychiatrist need their head examining.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Q: How did the black man die? A: He got hit by a car, and we all know that this is painful.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

I saw a woman get donkey punched in the middle of the street. Nero the clit collector: You know... What is it called when A donkey kinda lifts its front hoove and hits a woman? ...WHAT? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE STARVE TO DEATH BECAUSE OF YOUR COIN COLLECTION? YOUR STAMPS ARE MURDER! (or something) At least my uh... "Friends" survive... SOMETIIIIIIIIMEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!! ...And then I kill them.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

what do you call cheese that isn't yours? Chuck Norris' Cheese

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Doctor: Knock, Knock Woman: Who's there? Doctor: Interrupting Doctor Woman: Interupt- Doctor: You have cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have Alzheimer's, Who are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why couldn't Scruffy get out from under the car? It had parked on his skull.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the baby cross the road? It's abusive father punted it.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

why did sally fall off the swing? because she was a fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A Jew walks into a bar. He quickly works on treating the injuries he had received from hitting his head against the bar when he had walked into it.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the man not want to be a tree? Because he didn't want to.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Knock knock. Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 who? Oh my god, I thought you said you'd never forget.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

knock knock whose there the hospital staff your mom just died of AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did the deaf, dumb, blind, black kid get for Christmas? Modern Warfare 3.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's red and smells like paint? Red paint.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Some dreams stay dreams, But some dreams come true. Some want to be god, They want to have made us. But I want to be an astronaught, So I can explore Uranus.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

There's a car about to hit me.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why does mexico not have an Olympic team? They do

thumb_up thumb_down +22

http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/popular/a-paper-cut-is-a-trees-last-revenge

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why are all Asians smart? Not all of them are, Asians are stereotypically smart because their parents most likely grew up in an under-developed country and want their children to be successful because they don't want their children to experience what they did.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's blue and says "Good morning" A blue sign that says good morning

thumb_up thumb_down +22

hating his life and his job, the man leaves work early and while he is in the elavator he has thoughts about killing himself after returning to his apartment he turns on the TV and grabs his gun out of the drawer. sitting in a chair with a gun to his head he looks at the TV and realizes that his office building has just been hit by a 747 piloted by Al-Quida members. Suddenly the man realizes that maybe he has something to live for and decides not to kill himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops