Mum: Never put off for tomorrow what can be done today. Child: Oh, I was going to play video games tomorrow, so...

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A blonde sits down in first class on a flight to Miami. That's because she had a ticket for the seat.

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A horse walks into a bar. Animal control them came and got him out, apologizing for the matter.

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press Ctrl and F4 on ur key pad

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IM SEXY AND I KNOW IT Chrysanthemums are pretty but toads and people are damn to horny

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what do u call a gay dinosaur megasoreass

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Chuck Norris doesn't answer the phone - he doesn't have one at the moment

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An Irishman walks into a bar. He orders whiskey. An American enters the same bar. He orders a beer. A blonde Frenchwoman enters the same bar. She says "Gimme whatever the Irisman ordered! Double it! He's cool!" She started talking to the American

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What did the quarter say to the dime? nothing.

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What do you call a dancing panda bear? I'm not sure, but panda bears are pretty big, so the possibility of them dancing is highly unlikely.

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Lisa’ house needed to be painted and her brother offered to do it for her. Lisa thought it was a nice gesture and told him that she wanted the house in antique white. However; after painting the house, Lisa noticed that her brother had used a color with a dark yellow tone. ”Are you sure this is Antique white?” she asked him. ”Offcourse!” he said. Afraid of hurting his feelings, Lisa didn’t dare to say anything. Ten years later, the house needed to be painted again. This time Lisa wanted to hire a professional painter, but her brother insisted on doing for her. He brought the paint, which Lisa recognized as the same yellow paint, with a color that Lisa had really begun to hate. ”Brother, are you sure this is antique white?” she asked, forcing a seriousness in her voice. ”Offcourse!” he answered, and Lisa was still too embarressed to object. Her brother didn’t have an easy life and she didn’t want to break his confidence. So the house was painted, same as before. Lisa did however notice a strange light in her brothers eyes. Another ten years passed, and the house needed to be painted a third time. This time however Lisa had had enough. Though it was her brother, she had become increasingly ashamed of her house had even stopped having guests over. With a deep breath she picked up the phone and called up her brother, ready to confront him. A woman answered; it was his wife. She could hardly speak because of her sobbing. Unfortunately Lisa’s brother had been killed in a car accident earlier that day.

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Why did little Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. A. Knock, Knock! B. Who's There? Not Suzie.

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What happens when you drop the soap in Prison? You pick it back up and go about your business.

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What did the horse say to the other horse? Neigh

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Knock knock Get off my porch.

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Mary had a little lamb... that's what she gets for having intercourse with the farm animals.

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A choir boy is hit by a car outside church. Someone runs to him and says "shall I fetch the priest?" The boy starts to mumble something but quickly loses consciousness, and later dies after 16 hours in ICU.

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Knock knock Who is there Banana Banana who Knock knock Who's there Banana Banana who Knock knock WHO'S THERE orange ...orange who Orange you glad I'm a cop here to tell you your family died in a horrible mask murdering and didn't say bannana again?

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a shark in your apple.

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What did one paper bill say to the other? Did you hear about one of us getting replaced by a woman? It's like Bruce to Caitlyn!

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Why couldn't the blonde read the road map? Because she was blindfolded and tied up in the trunk.

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Hi? No!!!!!

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A Knock, Knock B There's no door. What are you knocking on?

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thermodynamics?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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