A woman goes to the hospital to receive an ultra-sound after taking a pregnancy test a few weeks before. The doctor comes out and says "Congratulations Susanne would you like to know the results? Susanne says "No thank you." Then, the doctor says "Good, because its actually a retarded baby that we found."

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Knock Knock, Who's there? Satan. Oh **** go away.

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chuck norris is meeeeean to pain.

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How do you piss off a female archeologist? Kill her dog.

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Did you hear about the man who didn't get a burger with his meal?! Yes he is doing quite well on his diet don't you agree?

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An Irishman, a Mexican and an American sit a test. They all pass.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead!

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Roses are red Violets are blue Its just a bulge I swear its not a bomb

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Billy is walking down the street when he spots 1 armed johnny hanging in a tree.Billy proceeds to wave causing Johnny to wave with his 1 arm. Johnny falls out of the tree and dies

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Wanna hear an oxymoron? Jews for Jesus.

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Flab

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Knock Knock... Who's there... .....................

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If it looks like chicken and tastes like chicken but Chuck Norris says it's beef, politely correct him. He is actually a very sensible fellow and will probably thank you for doing so.

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Yo momma is so fat that you should really take her to the hospital, i've become very concerned for her.

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What's flatter than a pancake? The baby I just ran over.

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How do you drown a blond? Hold her head under water until she finally stops thrashing around.

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What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

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How do you get all the apples off of an apple tree? You pick them

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Chicken

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What is worse than hell?

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whats the differnce between a corvette and a pile of dead babies??? i dont have a corvette in my garage.

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What does wasabi spell backwards? Ibasaw

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what reason a man dont cry when the dog of his own childs dies? *guess the answer now a) he killed it b) he didnt like it c) a + b

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When Life gives you lemons... Squeeze the juice right back into Life's eyes!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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