My grandmother's zodiac sign was cancer, and she was killed by a giant crab.

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roses are red violets r blue jump off a building no one likes u

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How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? A car crash.

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What is brown and sticky?… A shit…

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What happens when Lord Voldemort tries to kill Harry Potter? He is unsuccessful.

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You know what they say about a man's feet... No i don't.

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How do you know when you have had too much to drink? When you ran over 7 pedestrians and are lying in the back of a police vehicle

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What did the black fire-fighter do when the house caught fire? The heroic man ran inside and got every animal and person inside to the out side and then proceeded to extinguish the flames with his fire-extinguisher out, thus saving most of the families valuables. He was then awarded a raise in his salary for his heroic valor. Although any fire-fighter could have done this because of the hard work and dedication that is put into training. So really describing the race that this heroic man is was totally pointless.

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Why didn't the boy answer the phone when it was ringing? Because he had no arms to pick it up.

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"What's up?" "A movie about an old man who takes his house to South America by tying balloons to it, who accidentally brings along a young boy with him and they have an adventure."

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Roses are Red Violets are Red My Garden is on Fire.

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Did you know Helen Keller has a pool? no oh well she does.

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What did the asian say to the President of the United States? I don't speak English

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Why are apples cheaper than lemons? Because you have to pay less money then lemons to buy them

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Yo momma's so ugly that she could not find another partner after the tragic death of your father

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is a woman.

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what does lady gaga have that some people dont have? a penis.

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Why couldn't the black man be an astronaut? He was not qualified for the Job

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An asian woman was driving along the freeway one day when a police officer pulled her over and arrested her, The officer arrested her because she had killed her husband 5 years ago and she thought she had gotten away with it.

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: b/c it was dead. Q: Why did the second monkey fall out if the tree? A: b/c it was stapled to the first one. Q: Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? A: b/c he thought it was a game. Q: Why did the toaster fall out of the tree? A: The branch snapped. Q: Why did the little girl fall off of her bike? A: She was hit by three monkeys and a toaster :( MAB99

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A blond, a brunette, and a redhead all walk into a bar. They order martinis and have a nice evening.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn't she get up? She had no legs. Why did noone help her up? She was fat.

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A man was wacking it and then his internet went down he then cut off his own balls then his internet came back

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When is a door not a door? When your house burns down.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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