Do you know what kind of world I dream of? Until you tell me, no I don't. How could I? I'm not telepathic, after all.

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To clowns walk into a bar. They don't notice each other because as soon as they walk to a 5-yard radius, the length that was said to be the range of a clowns eyesight (which was actually said by a controversial scientist, looked on as a madman; he created a whole clown-eyesight-range conspiracy), when a fire starts, creating a huge apocalyptic event. However, the two clowns go into the bar unphased. Both clowns then turn opposite directions. The clown on the right sits down with his drink and takes out his book about the Victorian Era. He constantly checks his watch. The clown on the left disapears into the croud, and steals french fries from table 36. After three hours, they both walk to the back of the bar, simultaneously tying their shoes not noticing their similarity in career choices. They both open a door marked PRIVATE (while tying their shoes). After sixteen days of exactly the same thing happening repeatedly... Both clowns see eachother on the way out of the bar. Little do the know that they are being watched by the scientist I mentioned earlier. Two Years Later Both clowns die instantly after being attacked by a giant war hammer-wielding octopus on the way home from the circus.

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why did the man fall down? because he was shot.

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If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris now has $10.

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why was six afraid of seven? because seven eight nine

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when chuck norris does a pushup, he is tearing the muscles in his biceps, deltoids, core, and triceps in order to make them stronger.

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How do you kill a blonde? Drench her in fluoroantimonic acid and watch her explode in a violent and gruesome death.

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"My father walked out on me." "Oh that's strange because I saw him yesterday and he had no legs."

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whats on object, almost tube like that squirts thick white liquid from the top elmer's glue

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A black, jew, mexican, and american are on the boat. The boat begins to sink. As an idea, they all throw stuff off the boat to try to stay afloat. The black throws off cotton, the jew throws off yamakas, and the mexican throws off sombreros. Then, the american throws off the mexican because there are too many in his country. The mexican drowns. The boat still sinks and the american goes to hell while the other go to heaven.

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What happends when two gay guys want to have kids? They can't, so they go to an orphanage and adopt one.

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Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? They're really good at it

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what did the 14 year old boy get for christmas? nothing because he his sitting in prison for killin his parents and is serving a life sentence.

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You dropped something.... Yo lip

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I like the color potato.

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Why was the woman angry with Santa Claus? Because he kicked her hands.

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teacher: what is your name? student: some people call me attractive (mx)

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What's a pirate's favorite video game? Pirates lived in a time before such technology existed

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Why do black guys have big dicks? God felt bad putting pubes on their head

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What's blue, white and red all over? Not a duck.

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A rat and a pig rape a puppy. Hey, that's just life.

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What is the difference between a trampoline and a baby? You take your boots of before jumping on the trampoline!!!!!!!!!

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whats the difference between marmalade and jam? you cant marmalade ur cock up a girls arse

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What do you call someone who can legally murder? OJ Simpson

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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