How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Yo mamma so fat she has to have anti biotics to keep her alive

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Justing Bieber walks in a bar. Everyone shoots him.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the lion get lost? Because the jungle is massive

thumb_up thumb_down +9

You are so dumb that you receive poor grades in school.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

If life hands you melons. Your probably dyslectic.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you get if Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus have a baby? The apocalypse

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Did you hear the joke about the man and the serial killer? Neither did the man since he was stabbed repeatedly and thrown into the bottom of a lake.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man walks into a bar. After recovering, he sues the bar for it's irregular glass doors.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

If life's a box of chocolates, I'm the dominant male.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How did the Muslim pilot die? He had a fatal heart attack while flying over the Atlantic and as a result the 300 passengers died by drowning.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Cripples are lame.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the chicken cross the road? it was thrown

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why didnt the boy finish the race? Becuase he stepped on a land mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Did you see Helen Keller's doll house? No... Well it's really nice!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

rose's are red violets are blue I have touretts blblblblblblblblbbl

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did John say to Tim Hi I'm John

thumb_up thumb_down +1

42

thumb_up thumb_down +1

roses are red, violets are blue, im a bad poet, text me. LMFAO

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: Whats the difference between a trash can full of dead babies, and a porch? A: A porch isnt in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why can't the blonde dial 911? The battery on her phone is dead and she needs to recharge it. (Good thing there's no emergency.)

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Do you like fish sticks? Yes. Me too.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops