What did the fish say to the octopus? nothing... fish cant talk.

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It was okay, then Alice my friend and a nurse insisted (she can be a total bitch) I take a painkiller, of course that messed up my focus completely and threw off my hypnotic suggestion which I use to shut down the pain receptors. Ironically I cannot seem to shut off my allergy to dust. Oh, yeah it was the standard bullshit Mensa test, ten patterns or something, oh and while I am terrible at trivia, I am actually much smarter than a fifth grader, I mean one kid told me he was smarter because he could do math better than me and he could, so I choked the little bitch to death, who is the smartest one now?

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A train conducter conducts goes at 60mph, when he goes under a bridge he goes at 52mph. When he goes over a hill he goes at 47mph. If he goes under 3 bridges and over 6 hills what did the conductors mother eat for dinner that night. Nothing, after many months of suffering she died from Huntington's disease.

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What did the man say when he had sex for the first time "So how come I'm the one with the vagina"?

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"Is this the Krusty Krab?" "Yes it is, how may I help you?"

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting stabbed.

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Why did the hooker fall out of the tree? Because she was dead

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Mary had a little lamb, The nurse and midwife fainted. Because last year she met a ram, And they got too acquainted.

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Three guys walk into a bar. The four man hastily ducks, grabs his phone and calls the local paramedic.

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Tom: Did you here about the blond who went to college? Mike: No. Tom: Well I heard she's leading a very successful life.

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Why does everybody look at the foreign boy strangely? Because he was ugly

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A Jew walks into a bar........... he buys it.

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A man sits on the toilet to take a shit And is surprised to find the next door neighbours dog in the toilet.

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What do you call a man who does not burst into tears after hearing that his mother has died? A person that has been desensitized by today's cruel world and society.

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A man dressed as a woman gets hit in the nuts they fall to the ground in pain

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A drunk walks out of a bar gets in his car and proceeds to drive home the driver passed out at the wheel swerved in the wrong lane and smashed the car of the Jefferson family a young family of 4, the Jefferson family's car exploded into flames while the drunk sat back laughed and rubbed the wound on his head

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if a sentence contains the words "Chuck Norris" it still has to end up with a period otherwise it is bad grammar and is looked down upon by American society.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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Have you ever been to Uranus? Well I heard it's nice this time of year.

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Why did the girl fall off of her swing? Because she had no arms.

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Why did the duck cross the road? It followed the chicken.

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What's the only thing better than winning a gold medal in the special olympics? Not being retarded.

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roses are red, violets are blue. you've got Alzheimer's, it sucks to be you

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Three muffins are walking next to each other in the dessert. The muffin on the right says "Hey now it's my turn to walk in the middle!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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